Breaks me

Have anyone of you ever felt distant from your family members and relatives to a level that you wish either they disappear from your life or you disappear from their lives..?

I don't know but I guess it's a common thing. I never used to like my paternal side relatives because they always show off stuff which I hate a lot. I was somewhat close with my maternal side relatives. I used to believe that if ever anything happens to my parents I will go with them and they will treat me like their own child but now when I'm 18 I realized how wrong I was and people do changes.

Before I was blindfolded now I can see their real faces behind the invisible masks they put on every single time. The shows that they love me they care for me but they don't. I can see in their eyes the hatred that they have for me. If anything serious happens and I inform them they don't believe me they simply ask for proof. Whereas, if the same thing is done by my older brother they will believe him blindly.

This kind of behavior of them makes me feel like I don't belong in this place. I always wanted to run away from my home because of all the nuisances they create in my life. Even if I don't have any fault they used to blame me though still, they do that but not like before because I am maintaining a distance from them but still whenever they get a chance they hurt me immensely.

I'm not a weak girl. I'm a strong one but their actions are so hurtful that it breaks all of my confidence into pieces.

Sometimes, when I see them feel hurt by someone else I feel nothing neither sad nor happy for whatever they did with me. It's a weird numb feeling. I just stare at them blankly.

People tell me I'm too sensitive but I'm not. I'm a very expressive person. I express my feelings loudly so that the people around me notice that I'm a human I also feel hurt which is caused by them. And my feelings can also break apart. My heart can break into pieces as well.

Sorry. I know I was out of track of what I was saying but that's how I'm truly feeling. Every single time a new person comes in and says rubbish and then makes me feel worst. I mean can't they leave others alone? Why the hell do they need to comment on people's life. If they can't say anything nice to the people then it's better if they just mind their matters.