so stuck and lonely
Hi I'm 20 years old and a sophomore in college. Ever since I was 5 years old I have been struggling with Lyme disease. Back then noone really knew how bad it could be or proper treatment. I don't remember much from my childhood just that my mom tells me I was always sick and traveling to different doctors. However I clearly remember from 7th grade on. In 7th grade I learned Lyme had spread to both sides of my brain. Hearing this news this young was heart breaking. I was put on 7 months of harsh iv antibiotics which made me really sick. All my friends would be hanging out and I would be stuck inside. I refused to ever let my picc line show at school it was always covered with long sleeves. I began to improve and brain scan showed the lyme was almost completely gone. My doctor agreed oral antibiotics would be used to kill the rest because my body was exhausted and I was so small. Things were good till I relapsed in sophomore-junior year of highschool. My brain scan was worst than the first one. This time I was put on 6 months of even harsher antibiotics. Keep in mind I did this all while still going to school. I would have all my classes in the morning and leave to drive an hour to my doctors sit there for 3 receiving my antibiotic then drive home an hour..5 days a week for 6 months this was my routine. It was both mentally and physically exhausting. I felt way better after the die off of the Lyme. I was finally back with my friends and applying to colleges. College was another story Lyme has given me horrible anxiety where I throw up from it. I struggled to make friends because I was so shy and I put up a wall. Plus I can't keep up with normal kids drinking kills my immune system and I end up sick. I joined a sorority too to try and make friends but I struggle to even do that. I've felt so lonely lately like I have no one and that no one cares. I would rather just lay in my bed all day then go out. It kills me that I never feel well and can't keep up.I am small at 5'1" and only 90lbs. I want to gain weight but nothing works. I could write a whole book on everything I have been through. I have never revealed to anyone my whole story. I keep it inside because I can't hold back my tears when I talk about how Lyme has affected my life. I'm at the point where I feel really depressed and am crying almost every night. It makes me feel better just writing this post thou
@Chris1572. It sounds like you really have been through the wringer with the Lyme disease, and it really did have some major long term effects on your life both physically and emotionally. I can kind of relate to what you've been through although on a different spectrum. When I was a kid, I was constantly going to psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, and doctors. As an adult, I have had a monthly infusion since 2007. And for a while, I was on chemotherapy every week. I was so ashamed of my pic line that I too hid it and still do. Even my parents don't know about it and I live with them! As far as not being able to drink.....there is so much more to college than drinking. In fact, I have a huge chunk of my life that I don't remember because of my drinking. At least you will remember college :). I know it's hard to keep up if your stamina is not good. I understand that too as someone who suffers from 4 autoimmune diseases and fibromyalgia. The only thing I can tell you is that it does get better. If your depression and anxiety is unmanageable, you may want to check into your student services and see what is available. My university had a health center where I could see a dr and get medicine at low cost and a counseling center that was free of charge. You can always connect with me or another listener here or visit the chat rooms as well. Hang in there.
~Angel
Chris, that sounds sad to know that you missed most of your youth to lyme disease. Angel gave you some good advice about not worrying about the drinking. Drinking, alone, can cause you to not be able to remember the good times youre having. Dont feel like you have to keep up, be yourself. If others are bothering you about not drinking as much as them, find some new friends. I can say, that I dont ever remember seeing anything good come from drinking, only bad. Lighten up, dont be hard on yourself.
Chris, that sounds sad to know that you missed most of your youth to lyme disease. Angel gave you some good advice about not worrying about the drinking. Drinking, alone, can cause you to not be able to remember the good times youre having. Dont feel like you have to keep up, be yourself. If others are bothering you about not drinking as much as them, find some new friends. I can say, that I dont ever remember seeing anything good come from drinking, only bad. Lighten up, dont be hard on yourself.
