cant control mysef
i have been angry at my family and friends for a long time now and i cant find the problem .
i feel bad for treating them bad but i feel like they see me as the problem so i always try and defend myself even if they talk to me and give me advise for me to be a better person i dont see it that way
@anonyWheel252 the mind is a tricky one, and our perspectives of what's happening and being said around us, is very different to each person. But anger can be a bad emotion. So please reach out for help for anger issues ❤❤ we are all here for you ❤
@anonyWheel252
When we are angry the best way to fix or process is to identify why... Your post did not say but if you know deal from there...
sometimes we are not angry at the people around us but ourselves and how we are around them. Most often the biggest anger issue is from miscommunication... Do you feel like you can talk with them to define where your anger comes from?
My issues i have been able to work on to overcome is when i step back and see it often is because i did not speak up when they did items that had me angry......... but from their view they do not see it ...
a person who buys food items they like and just assume you do.... people who offer to help but disappear when they are really needed.... people who chose to offer advice on items i never needed or wanted their opinion on....
Find your anger write it down and then try to see it from another view.
@toughTiger6481 i cant seem to figure why i get angry with them but they are all older by 10 years my siblings they think they are my parents they think mom and dad went soft on me so they do there job but in fact my parents yes they spoil me bec they got me when they were old they are wiser now with me and know how to parent me well but my siblings doesnt see it that way they see that i have to be treated like they were years back.. it feels like controlling when i tell mom that she tells me let them parent you they are still young let them learn on u so they have more experience with their kids but where am i in that? they are amazing with every bad they do good but sometimes it feels way too much to have 4 parents
@anonyWheel252
I totally get that some kids when there is a age gap tend to take on advice/ parenting type roles ... i have that in a part of my family as well.
it is unwelcome and not in any way your issue that your parents are more laid back or parenting differently ...I can see where that leads to anger ....as they have zero ground on this issue.
again though you are proving the more mature one in seeing this issue and although you resent the treatment you can chose how to respond
either with anger and disagreement or just a big smile and head nods that convey I am letting you get your fake parent stuff out but none is going to be heeded.
@toughTiger6481 ik they are doing it out of love but im having a hard time accepting it sometimes they say stuff that hurts me and me and my sister arent on good terms bec of that a while back they accused me of being jealous of her bec she got engaged and for a while i thought i was actully jealous of her they convinced me yes i was treating her not the best but it wasnt bec im jealous...i already have a bf but they dont know mom just know he is a friend and i have been keeping it for 2 years now
@anonyWheel252
It does not seem to be a simple thing that they do out of love ... it is a control move IMO Any other issue like BF or Fiance or what ever should not factor into it.... that is a jealous move not a parent like move
the longer this goes on the more disconnected you will be as adults. Age is not the factor that should give them a reason to do this, you sound like you want to keep the peace in family but doing so will build the underlying anger or resentment... it would be helpful for all to defuse the situation by finding a way to communicate better.
@toughTiger6481 maybe i take things way personally with them like when they say something commenting on me how i study etc i get defensive but i wanna change but with every step i feel they take a step back maybe i need to make peace with my sister first my brother was never controlling in my normal life but in studying he just tells me im on the wrong track tbh my brother is better in that i always felt more connected to him but my sister we have never connected she broke my trust years back and i never forgave her..what do u think i should do she has about 7 or less months till she gets married and yeah i forgot that she has been trying to put a bad pic of me infront of fam and her fiancé. i dont like him tbh he is not good for her and i told her than but she loves him so when he comes to have dinner with us she be like 'oh sis cmon love me u dont love me' and it happened so many times tring to make me the bad guy i was like fine she wants to make that she is the good one infront of him sure..but to my family too? i still wanna say i still love her and she will always be my sister but idk if i can be ever close to her like im to my brother
i have been saying 'as u want ' alot and mom sees it like i dont care but its more like ik u will do what u want to do so why ask me i will be the one annoyed when u take my advise and not use it
I think you have a good perspective you are closer to brother try to see his points if he makes suggestions but your relationship with sister is trained from other items. I know you hope it is not true but if her fiance is a bad fit and expressed it in any way she may resent that and fear you may be right.
No matter what people say sometimes siblings are just not that close and it is hard when you try to pretend that you have feelings you do not. .... i have a sister that frankly i do not like . similar reasons.......if i was in a position to decide would i even talk to that person or not ... i would chose NO. That is ok too... being siblings does not give a person the right to treat others poorly and expect they other person must just take it.
i hope sharing and thinking about things you can get some relief in knowing many peopel has sibling issues like this and some find creative ways to get through it as i doubt they will quit trying to lead you or advise you.
@toughTiger6481 tbh yes i feel better knowing i can connect every time i talk to someone they think im crazy for even thinking that about my sibling i will try and find a way it wont be a long one ik after a few months she will move out and just give me more space
there is also another thing i wanna talk about if u have time i feel comfortable talking to u
@anonyWheel252
I am glad if anything i said helped you ... you really are not alone in that situation.
if i can provide any ideas for you i will answer the best i can
@toughTiger6481 thank you and i would love if u kept an eye out for me in the future =)
It’s normal to feel angry. I suggest that you take a break from seeing them for a while so you can clear your mind. Taking your mind off things help you have a clearer mind and be calmer, everyone needs a break sometimes :).
