Rage
Why is it so hard for me to snap out of my anger and irritability lately? I’m 8 months postpartum. I really didn’t think I’d feel like this. I’m in a 4 year relationship and before this it was just my daughter and I. Then I met my partner and his 4 kids. 3 being his adopted nieces and little sister… I thought I could handle a big family and knew it all. I was wrong. His two nieces are 13 and 12 and his sister is also 12… so I have 3 preteens, my 8 year old daughter , his 6 year old son, and our 8 month old son. The teens are so difficult and lazy and ungrateful and I’ve done everything I could to try and show them a great life. It’s gotten so bad I feel like it’s ruining me as a mother. I feel I’m not the same mother I was when I was single and it was just my daughter and I. I wanted to show them structure so I didn’t ask for much but clean up after yourselves and keep trash and food out of your rooms but that alone has become pointless. Apple cores under their pillow. Candy wrappers everywhere. The oldest one steals from her siblings and even tried breaking into my room when I put a lock. Ever since I got in this relationship I have to keep my decorations and collectibles in my room because I can’t trust anything out in the living room. It’s just a *** feeling that I can’t have my house the way I want it and my daughter and son see me in a *** mood all the time. I’m getting duller and duller by the day. I’m not who I use to be and this relationship has definitely taken its toll. I’ve done so much and just get a middle finger to the *** face. I’ve resorted back to old ways and am just fed up with myself in all honesty. I feel like exploding. Panic attacks are back. I’m just out of it
@Overit1991
You need to set boundaries ... and be on same page with partner in all that is going on you did not mention what your partner is doing.... some teens push the limits and need to get that out of their system as it is a bad trait in adult....what is son stealing for .... and what punishment does he get for it? seriously this is very bad for your kids to see you this way .... i know we make nice trying to blend a family but who is in charge of the household ... the parents or the kids.
@toughTiger6481 I felt like I did set boundaries and it’s not asking for much. My partner knows I get overwhelmed with no help with cleaning or things being broken or unorganized. He usually just grounds them and has them hang out in their rooms with no electronics for a week or so. I’ve taken posters away that I’ve bought them LED lights etc and nothing seems to phase them. We have them pull weeds in the yard but once that’s done there isn’t much else. I don’t ask for much. I was tryna raise my daughter the same cleanliness organized and to take care of her belongings so they last longer… these girls run through stuff and ruin it like it doesn’t cost money. And they are fine with that. It’s irritating because I don’t want my 8 year old daughter catching on to their bad habits. My daughter has stuff from before she was born and nothing wrong with it. I can’t even get these girls posters again without them cutting them up into what they want. Idk.. maybe I tried too hard and this is where it got me. His oldest niece tried to get into my room because they were grounded from the tv so we put the controller in our room. I keep a lot of valuable stuff in my room since I can’t express my home the way I want. The punishment was the usual just stay in the room for a week no laptops type of electronic. I’ve bought them cell phones and disconnected service multiple times because like I said simple rules if they aren’t followed in my houself then you get it taken away. Doesn’t phase them. These are teenagers that can live without a phone they don’t give a damn. The damn kids seems to be taking over because once they go against my rules then my partner and I fight about it for days. It’s a vicious cycle. I use to be this outgoing mother . I was the cool mom and I tried being that for these girls but I jumped in their life when they were 9 and 10… now they are soon to be 13 and 14…. And some improvements have been made but these teenage years are intense and I don’t like to feel this way. They been rewarded before and have earned money for doing things around the house they know what they can earn but they go disrespecting teachers or getting Fs in school and it’s all taken away. But it doesn’t phase them and idk what to do but my 8 year old sees this and I just tell her to please not be like them. I spent 800 on an air b n b for the summer to meet my family and I gave them three strikes for them not to mess up going and I really didn’t think they would but they did :/ I can’t trust them in any of my family members home because of the stealing or the breaking things by messing with what they aren’t suppose to…
@Overit1991
When i spoke of boundaries ....Where is your boundary with their DAD? not these brats.
Did you both set out a parenting plan before merging families? What is your red line of you have had enough? Does he know your limit?
As their parent / guardian it is HIS responsibility to get this under control. Where they like this from start since you met them? ... or is this current acting out designed to torture you as they resent step mom role you have taken?
Have you spoken to HIM about long term solutions ..............as this current method is NOT sustainable and your daughter will pick up on bad habits if she has not already....
What does he see for your future bailing them out when they are out of control adults? with no respect and stealing gets them in real trouble.
Does he really feel it is a phase? If so maybe he is not a role model for your kids either.
Does he budget all these items being replaced ? where is your life if you are constantly playing catch up and hide things that are important to you.... unable to live and decorate as you wish because of theft or damage the resentment will build.
This is unfair to both your daughter and your son they are not getting the best YOU when you are stressed and on constant guard...distracted by these teens. In my opinion this cannot be blamed on teen years .... theft and complete disrespect are long term problems Much harder to stop when it has grown ....... first a kid tries something small then it grows to bigger and more serious things...
Maybe you should look into what it would take to wake them all up.
I would slowly put my things that are important in storage and tell partner if he has zero control of these girls ..........you and your kids will live elsewhere.
@Overit1991 parenting doesn't come with instructions unfortunately. When your older kids act out with disrespect, I believe it's cause they love you, they can't be themselves at school, or around friends alot of the time either, but they do know your love is unconditional, so they can get away with it. Always let your kid calm down before you react, perhaps have a older kids fun games nights, were you can all talk, have fun and get back that good connection. The younger kids, boundries you out in place does need to be followed, otherwise stick through with a punishment. You can understand a lot more when your all communicating together ❤ good luck sweetie ❤ we are always here, when it gets hard, and you need to vent ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤
Trust me I’ve thought about buying monopoly. I love board games and it sucks because the ones that we did have got turned to crap because these girls don’t know how to take care of them or lose pieces or use pieces of the games to mess around with… nothing can stay in good condition here… and I’m not use to things getting ruined like this… maybe me growing up as a kid I’ve seen a lot of destruction and have been to a point where I had nothing… and now that I’m older I want to keep everything in great condition and cherish it for as long as I can…but these girls can destroy and not give a damn about rebuilding. I’ve definitely tried being that parent that they can go to. I let them wear body sprays lipgloss use my styling products to practice hair styles with their hair.. to be a girl. To experience some of that teenage life not full blown makeup but still … They tell me a lot of what goes on at school and i tell them just don’t be doing what your friends do or what you see other teens do that you know you will have consequences when you get home because once you get home your friends won’t be here getting punished with you. They don’t ditch or do drugs or vape but certain things they try to do because maybe that’s all they can do? Like talk back to teachers or eating in class. We have gotten multiple emails about their behavior how they were such good kids at first then boom… influenced by friends I guess . So they will be switching schools again but I know no matter what school they go to they will be surrounded by the same stuff but it’s back to uniforms so maybe it’ll be less judgy. I’ve tried letting them pick out their own clothes branch out into their own person because they are always considered as a “whole” Not an individual . They all have different style and taste in things… like I said I’ve showed them a whole new world because I felt like they were hermit crabs and now it’s biting me in the *** I guess??? Regardless I know middle school sucks and sometimes high school does too but I knew better not to disrespect my teachers at that age. It’s like the newer generations get a kick out of arguing with teachers over dumb crap like assigned seats. It’s like I have all these ideas to go out and do stuff as a family and then they do something to get punished and it ruins the whole houses vibes and causes tons of tension. I’m always the one to forgive and give in too and let them off punishment early… I end up feeling sympathy and then they go and do something like take stuff from my daughters room while I’m sleeping. So it’s being taken advantage of when I’m vulnerable again… it’s hard believing that’s love especially when I haven’t been around their whole lives. I’m someone who just popped in and I’m sure they hate it now because they think I’m strict just for simply having them wash their own dish or clean their bathroom… I’m just trying to have some structure in these kids lives because they didn’t have much of any of that growing up. Their moms are completely out of the picture. They put no effort into a relationship or seeing them at all. It’s something I was never use to growing up… and now that I’m experiencing raising adopted children it’s super difficult to teach them. I can tel them as much as I want but certain things like the stealing just doesn’t stop… I just don’t get it. I just gave my 8 year old daughter a shirt of mine and the oldest (13) took it out of her room while I was asleep… like dude come on -_- it’s not my fault you don’t know how to take care of your own clothes like I told you so you have to take from others… we always catch her with stuff in her drawers from other members in our house… I have to keep a lock on my 8 year olds room door so it’s locked while she goes to her dads for the weekend… but obviously it happens when I sleep and she is home and door is open… so it doesn’t matter if the door is even open haha like wow can I not even nap without something happening or me or the little ones being taken advantage of??? At least ASK to borrow something don’t just take. I’m not cool with them taking from my daughter when I’ve taught and raised my daughter to always take care of her things because we should be grateful for what was given or what is earned.
@Overit1991 wow! Teens are hard work 😂😂 does your husband help with boundry setting and punishment? Or is it all down to you?? I understand it's hard and you must be at breaking point alot😥 but there kids are going through the time where they don't see what their doing is wrong or unfair, it's kinda like it's their mindset and every one else needs to change not them. Your doing a really great job with them ❤ please know that their angry outbursts and bad behaviour has nothing to do with you. When they get out of this phase (in their own time) your world will become amazing, theese kids will love and respect and shower you with kindness. So don't give up, just carry on as your doing. But vent like you just did, it's important to get it all out just like you did ❤ also do you get alone time? Or do things just for you??
Um...do you still think this relationship is a good idea?
