Need help reshaping a thought...My Marriage will not last
I am creating this thought in my own head... my hubby is great, obviously some things I would change but I am sure he would change some things about me. I get scared thinking about the concept of a lifetime with him and if I will be able to love him forever and give him what he needs and he give me what I need. I am pregnant now with our first child and I only started to get these feelings after I found out. I am feeling soooo self centred and like I can't just be grateful for what I have. Please tell me this is normal and its all just crazy pregnancy hormones <3
@katewee I've never been pregnant, so I don't really have any experience with that, but I can tell you that you're definitely not the only one with thoughts like this. I've had pretty bad relationship anxiety for the past couple of months, which has included me thinking that my boyfriend no longer loves me, that he's losing interest, that things could go wrong in the future, what if he's not "the one", etc, etc.
I do think that I have a hormonal imbalance which contributes to my anxiety and creating these thoughts (hopefully going to the doctor soon to get that checked out). Hormones cause all sorts of emotional reactions, so that could definitely be the culprit. My grandmother was just telling me the other day that she was terrible during one of her pregnancies. So I think that it's fairly normal. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon. <3
@sporkchop thank you so much for your words of wisdom, it is nice to know that I am not alone and that there are others like me. I hope that you can get to your doctor and see if there is a reason for your anxiety. I just keep thinging myself, do I really love hm now as much as I did? How can I make it last? But then I remind myself I moved back halfway across the world because of him and I am still here so I must.
@katewee I read something once about a woman who, when she was having those kinds of doubts, told herself "I love him because I choose to." We often think of love as a feeling, but feelings change. Love changes. If we kept that excited infatuation from the beginning of the relationship instead of it maturing into a more calm and comfortable affection, people would never get anything done. We'd be too caught up in our feelings of love and thoughts of our SO to want to do anything else.
I think that a lot of people give up on a relationship once that excitement fades, because they think that the excitement is love and that once that's gone, they're no longer in love. But that's only the beginning. Love can feel so many different ways. And love is also a choice. Love is an action. I chose my boyfriend. I chose to commit to him. So telling yourself "I love him because I choose to" can be helpful when you're concerned about that. I'm not sure why that phrase stuck with me, but I've found it to be reassuring at times, so I thought I'd share. =)
@sporkchop well said:)
@sporkchop thank you sporkchop, what you wrote is beautiful and really helpful. I think I get too caught up in trying to feel "excitement" again or making hubby show excitement for me. I need to just relax and embrace what I have and how lucky I am to have it. You are awesoome xxx
@katewee Glad it helped. I need to remind myself of this sometimes too. Since my relationship anxiety got bad, I've been comparing our relationship now to how it was when we first started dating. My anxious brain has been trying to convince me that, since things are so different now, he no longer loves me, when it's really more likely that he's just comfortable and secure in our relationship, which is a good thing.
