Graduating but no future

I know i should be happy and proud of graduating college, but I don't. I'm sad actually, because I feel like i have no real direction in life. I want to be an author but that probably wont happen. And I'm sad because I'll be losing a lot of my friends, or won't see others nearly as often as i used to. And I have to live at home, with my parents, who stress me out and make me feel bad because I don't have a job yet. I'm not proud because I feel like I haven't accomplished anything that great or worthy of a party and a ceremony and all that. Having to sit at my graduation and my party and pretend that I'm happy makes me feel sick with anxiety. Just thinking about this makes me want to cry. I don't know where I'm going with this I just need to vent or something