Day dreaming or overthinking. Choices 😞
I just walk, and walk, and walk, daydreaming about nothing really, just enjoying the fact I’m outside my own thoughts for once……. I cough, it brings me back to reality. “So what you fancy for dinner tonight? (My husband starts talking) Trying to do everything in his power to be the best husband possible (I wonder for how long this time)
I can’t believe after 22 years of what I only thought was a happy marriage was a complete joke. The man I totally adored, loved and respected broke me. My loyalty, trust, respect and love for him was now shattered into a thousand pieces, with no way to glue it back together without being cut to the bone some more!!!
Food is a necessity I suppose, but it’s the last thing I want. I don’t feel hungry. I feel empty, not so much in a bad way. I just don’t feel anything right now. Not really. I’m not hungry, not tired, not cold, and, well come to think of it, I’m not even feeling sore! (Fibromyalgia shows its ugly face on a daily basis)
I want to go back to day dreaming, Watching the clouds change shapes in the water. Where my mind was blank, only noticing the shapes and shadows, the light on the water and the colour change in the sky, the smell of fresh air, and the odd annoying sound of a bee as though it’s flying straight into my inner ear. Where shivers run down my back and my shoulders rise my hair stands on end! In a comforting way it feels nice. Knowing that in that exact moment, all my worries are none existent. Every fiber of my being is now wrapped up in this one second.
The buzzzzzz!!! 🐝🐝
@MummyMumMotherMam1
It makes one feel very sad to read your words. As eloquently as you describe the situation, it is impossible not to empathise with someone in such a situation. The emotional blunting that you highlight as well as the desire to escape into small trivialities beyond ourselves is very understandable and relatable.
*Sending you kind intentions and sympathetic thoughts*
You write beautifully and the urge to lose yourself in the mundaness of the day so the prisons of mind can be escaped is so relatable. Yet I hope that life becomes kind for you so such escapes won't be a desire anymore .