overwhelming emotions

I am moving in almost exactly a month across country. I am so overwhelmingly overwhelmed. currently I am stuck living with family because where I was living previously it didn't work out the roommates were kind of hard to live with and my grandfather was nice enough to let me live in his house that he currently doesn't live in. I've been here for almost 3 years and I know he's wanted me to like move out get my own place but my current state is so expensive that I can't do it on my own and my anxiety does not allow me to live with people I don't know, and all my friends in this state already have their own living situation or they're not looking for roommates kind of thing.

well 3 years ago I met my now fiance and he lives across country from where I am right now and we just found an apartment to live together and he's going to be coming up here next month and we're getting a U-Haul and driving across country to our new place.

I'm almost 29 and I feel like I don't have a lot to show for me like I don't have an amazing career I'm in college the only thing amazing I guess is I'm getting a masters in psychology so I don't have a whole lot of money to do a lot of things mostly all my money goes right back into schooling so I feel like I haven't accomplished as much as like my two younger brothers or my cousins. but like my family we don't really talk a lot so I don't even feel like I have a support system aside from my fiance. and I guess I just get overwhelmed because I'm basically just tossing my whole life away to move to a different state but it's not like I have anything keeping me here. my dad passed away in 2014 and he was the only parent I had that like cared enough about me to ask how my day was doing. my mom never even checked up on me when I lived with my dad how I was even doing in school.

anytime I ever had to ask my mom for anything it was like I was ripping her arm off even when I was like compensating her. for example asking if she could pick me up something from the store cuz I don't have a car but I could like *** her however much it was, she would throw a fit about it.

so like I'm excited to get away from this state and kind of like my family for a little bit to see if they even care enough about me to see how I'm doing in my new place. but at the same time I know I'm setting myself up for failure thinking my family care enough to check up on me. I guess I just have like a lot of emotions that I don't even know how to like process knowing that I'm moving across country and just kind of like leaving almost everything I know.

I know a lot of this is just blabble and might not make super sense or whatever but I was just trying to get like all my emotions just out real quick I still have a lot but I'll probably just try to find a listener to talk more about it in the moment?