You know what the interesting part of growing up is?
Another Wednesday without you
I saw your mom
I saw the boys
You know what the interesting part of growing up is?
Sometimes the people you thought would be a part of your life for a lifetime become strangers
Then its times like this when we see each other and we cant even look at one another let alone talk to each other
I wanted to go to them get a hug, cry, remenis, anything really
I want one more late night, I want a few more long drives, I want one more staires night, a few more concert night, I want one more mall night, a few more pizza nights
I want one more night when its a little to late and we are asking questions and making plans
The plans on how we were going to stay friends forever and how we would visit each other no matter where we are
I want one more concert day, when we couldn't believe we were there singing our hearts out being, being annoying because we were all messing around
I want the moments back, the moments we hugged, played pranks and those small moments when we looked at each other and just shared love
How did we become strangers
We all hurt each other but it all feels so stupid
I so desperately miss us
We were young, stupid and so good together
How did we get here
What hurts is even if we have one more, it will never one more with you so it will never be the same
Will Wednesdays ever be the same
I cant express nor explain how much this hurts
Seeing us all together and missing you, but at the same time not saying a word to one another
But what are you meant to even say - 'hey how are you' 'not good, ya me to'
How did we get here
I miss you desperately
I dont see that changing
There will always be a part of my heart that aces every single day
Where do we go from here
At some point do we just act like things are normal
Like you didn't leave or like im not missing a part of me
This will never be normal to me
Do we go back to not seeing each other or does the group become friends again and act like we aren't missing a piece
whats the next steps
How do you live life
The hard part is you deserved better but the group deserve better to, we deserve to be there for each other and when life gets hard and you just need to know someone is on your side we deserve to know that any of us is just one phone call away
I dont want to do this again, get a text saying something happened to another one of us and have these what if's and all of this, we derve to be in each other's lives as fully as we can or at the minimum be on speaking terms and be able to be in the same room
Im still struggling with this
You deserved better, I am so incredibly sorry we all failed you
@callmeRM In my head I keep hearing the song that says 'the kids are in town for a funeral' no no no it should not have been this way. No. The kids should have been in town for a wedding, the kids should have been in town for an award or ceremony, the kids should have been in town for a birth, the kids should have been in town to hang out. No no no the kids should not have been in town for this. After all the years we are here for this. You wanted us all to all hang out and talk to each other but we are all to stubborn and hurt to do it. We are together because of you but not in the way no one wanted. The kids should have been in town with you not because of you
@callmeRM it been a few hours and I almost cried at work, im trying distract myself so I dont think of you. ow how the world has lost a great soul. It hurts, i wonder do i have the right to hurt this much. the world has shifted since youve been gone. Even as I try to distract myself the lyrics of the songs you sang are playing in the back of my mind, I can almost hear you sing them. its like I will be talking to someone with a smile on my face and hear you sing in my mind. Wednesdays will never be the same. Today has been hard, these days have been all hard. I miss you, we miss you soo desperately words dont do it justice. In another life you would still be here, I wake up everyday wishing I wake up in that life and not this one. I am so sorry
@callmeRM you know it feels like a nightmare that I may never wake up from. How do i explain this pain in my chest that I've been feeling since you've left, how do i explain the sense of loss or the emptyness? I dont even try to explain it anymore. I keep writing in hope that if you are to busy with your family rn and cant hear me talking to you these words exist for you to read. I keep writing so I can navigate this, I've never been through this. I've been avoiding pictures, videos and sounds of you, especially today and on Wednesdays. I put the group chat on mute and deleted *** just so I dont see the memorials/post and read the messages, if i could I would put the group chat at the bottom of my messages or hind them so I dont see them at all. Life already hurts without you, I just cant constantly be reminded of that. how does this make sence, a world without you in it doesnt seem real at all, Im still not sure if I belive it
