The scar that didn’t heal.
Today, my sister told me of how she didn’t have a group for a group project. She had a friend whom she thought she could group with from a different period since it was allowed but the friend told her sorry.
I asked her why didn’t she go to the teacher? The teacher wanted them to do a group project so the teacher should have at least make sure everyone has a group. She told me, when the teacher introduce the project he gave them the option to find their group or continue working on a previous assignment. She said she had already ask another group to join them but they didn’t include her since they wanted their friend who wasn’t in attendance to join them. I advised her, she could have look around and ask another group or go to the teacher. She said she had waited for this one group to come back to ask if she can join them but they never came back to the classroom. At this point, I was quite upset and told her, she should not have waited but join whoever group is available or go to the teacher n explain she needs help finding a group. I advise her to talk or email her teacher whenever she struggle to find group.
This is all too touchy for me because it reminds me of myself when I was in high school. I didn’t know many people and most of my class is just me and a bunch of strangers. I used to be quite happy when a classmate talk to me or greet me. I wasn’t very talkative n very, very introverted. I did not feel like I fit in. I did not feel wanted. Whenever it comes to group project, I felt very helpless. Everyone has someone. Everyone somehow end up in a favorable position even if they don’t have someone but I tend to always struggle and always is the odd one. The extra that wasn’t needed. I felt very ashamed of myself. I felt very lonely. I convinced myself, my true friends weren’t among these people. That they were a bunch of hypocrite parading inclusion when they don’t act it.
Then I looked at myself and I accepted the fact I wasn’t very fun to be around. I was boring and I sucked at talking. The only friend I had in high school - well she ditched me the second her cousin got in high school. I was not bully but I feel very alone in a crowd of people. Even though I think my path was hard so I learn to be humbled and to find wisdom but this feeling and this shell never left me. Seeing my sister mirror my past in high school triggered me. It was like I was reliving it.
If fate exist, I believe my fate doesn’t cross a lot of people as even in current days I couldn’t find friendships anywhere.
@Mdreaming101 I'm so glad that you and your sister have each other and I love that you are teaching her to stand up for herself and ask when she requires the teacher's assistance.
I think many of us have suffered the horrors of not finding a group during a group project, it is sad but we made it out of that situation and every other just like that<3 Everyone has different preference when it comes to friendships, some people like to talk and talk while some prefer the silence but that does not make one type less fun than the other. Like for example you seem like the person I would wanna be friends with cause I prefer the comfortable silence sometimes, hang out do our own thing yet know that we are there for each other.
Friendship requires effort from both side, maybe you haven't found someone yet who is willing to try as much as you but that doesn't mean you never will<3 I hope you find people that make you feel like you fit right in and the only Extra you feel with them is Extra special :)
You are very much needed<3
Thank you. I wish I will find them soon too but one thing life has shown me is, it is out to make relationship and communication difficult for me.
I’m in a similar situation. When I went to high school I didn’t make any friends. Soon after I began to be bullied as the loner and I would hide in the bathroom during breaks. My stomach was a mess from anxiety and it felt like nobody cared. Eventually I switched to a new school and I made friends pretty quickly and began to heal.
last year my sister went to high school for the first time and immediately made a whole group of friends. She talked about them non stop and it was a stark reminder of the fact that I came home in tears every day. It was so triggering bec all she talked about were her friends and it felt like I was going through 9th grade all over again and it was horrible
Hug. Hug. Hug. I am happy to know you moved school and made friends. Maybe what you felt was envy? You know, that jelly feeling of “why me? Why didn’t I also get it as easy and smooth as them?”
I wish my sister has your sister’s luck. All she talks to me about is how she struggle to communicate and her awkward interactions with her “friends.” Sometimes the ways her friends treat her makes me sad. They left her out a lot. When she happens to be there or hear n ask they will invite her but they don’t go out of their way to do it. It hurts to hear her tell me how a friend would tell her the friends have plan together but she isn’t included. If friend a couldn’t attend a planned outing, friend b doesn’t want to go. Sometimes, I feel they treated her like an extra. Often, she tells me things I don’t know how to advise her. One time she told me, she asked this girl in her middle school class if the girl would be her friend. The girl did say yes but even then I told her that isn’t how you usually make friends. Idk how she got the idea to ask that. Afterward, I found a place to tear up inside. I see so much of myself in her, trying to seek deeper bond but no matter where n how I tried, I felt like an outsider watching groupies from behind a wall.
I worry a lot about her and I feel sometimes people don’t appreciate her. Then it reminds me of how I had failed during high school to respond back to those few individuals who do try to greet me. I was so shy and so reserved that sometimes I wished they had tried a little longer as I needed more time because all my childhood I was left behind often.
