The Reality people like vs. The Reality people don't.
For the longest time in my life, I was encouraged to be real. Be it the Internet which encourages us to be our real selves, or my parents, who would always be annoyed at how perpetually depressed I looked in public. Everybody wanted me to be the realest version of myself.
But others couldn't understand. That was me. The eerily silent, eyes downcast, chubby woman. I had zero self-confidence and even more insecure about everyone and everything. This was me being real. But it wasn't really accepted. It stings how my mother just dismisses my silence and discomfort for "faulty behavior" which I need to "get over with and move on."
I am not competitive enough, not a person who has a stone for a heart, I guess. It hurts when I fail, it hurts when I lose. It hurts when I am ignored, and it hurts when I am looked down upon. And this happens all the time. Which is why I have stopped smiling in reality. It's either forced or it's fake.
Because I know how I feel when I am really happy. I am really happy when I smile too wide, when I am teary-eyed and when everything in my soul is so full it's satiated. It has been so long since I have truly smiled. Life has become a monotonous aggregate of everything depressing. And I can't seem to "get over it", especially when there is so much everything unresolved in me.
When one's reality is like a blooming lotus, no matter how much dirt they have been in, people like to embrace it or at least, listen to it. But when people have realities like me: ugly, dark, and not so pleasant to the ear, people ask you to change your reality. When your reality isn't as aesthetic as people want it to be, they certainly become tantrums to others.
Tantrums that are annoying, tantrums that people can laugh at, tantrums that people can complain about. That's all it becomes. Someone's harsh reality becomes a joke for others. Someone's cries for help becomes a *** drama for others. This is the reality people don't like. The entangled, unresolved, messed-up reality.
What do you guys think about this?
@MagnificentCloud803 I really do understand when I moved school I wanted to be more real with me and more real with the people around me often time unless there is a reason I am very apathetic dead blank face when people asked me how I was or if I was ok I would always say I’m okay or fine which is true I am very neutral I am not happy or good but I’m not sad. But people just think I am depressed and sad all the time.
