Posting once a week until I'm happy : #5

Hello, it's been about a month since I joined and it feels oddly comforting. I don't know what to feel at the moment (I'm dealing with some personal issues and doubt right now despite being on break). I'm kind of dealing with things at the moment.

I kind of wanted to touch on the title, posting once a week until I'm happy, it's quite an unspecific condition and I don't know when and what happiness looks like for me. Happiness to me is weird, there's short term happiness where I can be happy and excited in the moment, but for long term plans I am unable to really plan for the future, or wish for anything that would better myself, it's that type of happiness I lack. I'm awful at putting effort into things after the initial excitement and I just return to living a dull life. There are many reasons I refer to my life as "dull" but that's not for here nor there. 

For me happiness I guess, starts by wanting to live life, I don't know how to describe it but if life feels worth living then that's happiness. Happiness is a set of goals some short some long that if accomplished will lead to happiness. However I've always assessed myself as a go with the flow type of person but now I've grown too tired to really want to set long term goals or establish long term goals. I guess, the happy in the title refers to being able to establish personal goals, long term goals, then fulfill those goals which will make me value my life and hopefully then I will be happy.

W h a t g o a l s d o I e v e n w a n t ?

-SunnyLake