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Need Advice on What to Do
intuitiveEast6300 November 25th, 2022
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Hi everyone!

I'm East, and I am going through a pretty emotionally hard time right now. I have many issues, the most prominent right now being fear of abandonment. Due to working on myself (or trying to, at least), I feel that my parents (especially my mom) love me conditionally. I feel that my efforts to get better are not aknowledged, and I feel afraid to tell my mom things; while she is happy to listen, sometimes I fear that she will throw them in my face during an argument. I don't want to be loved only when things are okay; it's one of the reasons why I fear conflict.

I do have someone in my life that has proven that they love me unconditionally. They've seen me at my worst and know everything that they would need to know about me; they think still being by my side is no big deal, but it speaks volumes to me. I think of them as a safe space; as family. I don't want my insecurities and my bad past experiences to affect my relationship with this person more than they already have. They know I'm trying to work on myself, and aknowledge it, and I feel secure with this; I just don't want to ruin it. How do I not let past experiences and outside struggles affect this?

If you've made it this far, you're quite amazing!! 😀

Thanks,

East

5
dexiscrying13 November 25th, 2022
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@intuitiveEast6300

we’re actually in a very similar situation. to start, i’m so glad you’ve found a person. i’m fortunate enough to have a few and i’ve found that if they’ve seen you at so low of a point and stay with you there’s really no going back. this isn’t so much as advice as it is reassurance, but this person sounds so so understanding and patient, and i really do think they’ll stay with you. good luck, i hope it works out ❤️

intuitiveEast6300 OP November 25th, 2022
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Hi Dex,

Thanks so much for the kind words and the understanding! I don't know if you have any idea how much that means to me!

If you would like to check in at some point, feel free to reach out! I do have a listener account here by the name of fruitbasket (there's usually a number after usernames...i forgot what it was...)

Thanks again for the support! Take care!

-East

intuitiveEast6300 OP November 25th, 2022
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Ok, I just checked, and I think it's fruitbasket5580.

Thanks again for your support!

-East

redmark November 26th, 2022
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Hey there East! ❤️ @intuitiveEast6300

First of all, really proud of you for opening up, it's always super scary and also really proud of you for working on yourself. This stuff is never easy. Past experiences will always stay with you but that is not a bad thing. It is you learning and growing and figuring yourself out. Facing those struggles and trying your best to deal with them shows bravery and strength ❤️

Sounds like the home you have grown up might be a tad bit toxic and growing up in such an environment can really have a great effect on you. Just keep in mind you that you as person are valid, your feelings are valid and you are deserving of love and support and it is completely okay to make mistakes.

I would like to suggest >this video< for you, it's a short one, but it describes it pretty well. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Take your time and remember that healing is not linear and mistakes are just an opportunity to learn and grow from. You are not your mistakes. :)

*hugs* - if you are okay with virtual hugs

intuitiveEast6300 OP November 26th, 2022
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Hi Redmark!

Thanks so much for reading and for the hugs (I love hugs)! Yeah, I'm just glad I found someone who (I believe) loves me for me-including my faults.

Also, thanks for reminding me that healing is not linear; I would like it to be as linear as possible, but life happens (which kinda sucks sometimes but that's ok).

I saw your reply to my comment on your thread, and you are pretty amazing yourself.

Thanks again!

-East

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