Life is mike tison-ing me right now
Here the thing I know I am depressed
Have been for a majority of my life
Sometimes my depression is worst and other times its not
Im aware of this, I live this
I've never been formally diagnosed and a doctor would probably say I have some sort of mood disorder or something else just not sure what
I'm also functional - there was always depression on the side or in the center through the peeks and valleys of life
I'm also and introvert and I read way to much
That means as much as I like people I much rather stay by myself in my room- the stay-at-home order during the pandemic was like a vacation for me
If im honest I probably want to go out for the night more then I do but it is what it is
I also read, a lot, and I often read rather then connect with others, I often read to 2-6am and be up by 7am, I often live life and big events through books and not reality
Its a bad habit - im aware
Im also a functional not wanting to be here but not doing anything about it I think its ideation but for the majority of my life it wasnt - I have exepted that I have to be here no matter how much I dont want to
Im saying all this to say I am awair of the war that I am fighting, I live it every day and it is exosting, Im also aware of my vices
A family member came to me and told me they thought I was depressed and if they had came up to me a month ago my reaction would have been much different but its not and im tiered
Here's the thing, I know they are coming from a good place and im currently in a season where im not well at all and I understand that it concerns and worrys them but I dont need help no right now
I dont want to pretend im ok and/or do things so they could be less worried, I dont have the energy nor will for that but I dont want to worry them - I also dont want to have this conversation again
They want me to go to a doctor and figure it out and ya perhps I do need some professional help, im not opposed to it and I will get it eventually and hopefully soon but not right now
Life is mike tison-ing me right now and I just need to figure out what my next step is and be on the otherside of this first
I appreciate the concern and I know its coming from a place of life, there is water in my lungs I know im drowning but im trying to learn to fought and once im in calmer waters I will get help
@callmeRM I hear you – life’s throwing punches, but the fact that you’re still standing shows just how strong you are. It’s okay to take your time and figure out your next move when you’re ready. Don’t rush it. You’re in the ring, and that alone is a win. Keep your gloves up – you’ve got this. 💪
Hi callmeRM,
I am quite impressed that you are so self aware. Most people can't see themselves at all, good or bad, and that makes steps towards self improvement difficult. Just take it one step at a time.