Laments
I am lonely but I don't want to acknowledge it.
I guess I have 2 personalities, one in my mind and one what people see. I always had a perception of how I should be and how I should act. But sometimes they don't go well along with the reality.
I always imagine myself being super active and doing well with my (imaginary) friends. But the reality is exact opposite. I couldn't confide well with a single person.
I love to give speeches (in my head), but feared to death to do the same in reality. I am envious of a lot of people. But it gives me nothing at the end.
Today, the people who are able to talk well, are liked by everyone (though they are not a good person by heart), but I could not do it naturally. I m embarrassed every time I try to do something.
People are cool and but I am not. Or I restrict myself not to do certain things. But, in the name of fitting in, trying to do the same cool things, i am termed as "not someone good".
Why do I have the feeling of hatred towards someone? I wish them all the worst things to happen. But they are infact living their best life. But why do I care about them ?
Self loathing thoughts and negative attitude, how am I gonna save myself?
Someone help me, please. I don't feel good and I don't know why.
@warmheartedCamp3360 Its completely natural to have feelings of anger and envy with people who you see having an easy time doing things you want to do but struggle with or have not yet found a way to do yourself. To me you sound very self aware of your feelings and why some things upset you and also clarity about what you want - an awareness many would be envious of. It could help you organize and find solutions to these things about your life you want to change if you start writing down your thoughts somewhere maybe just here in this thread you created and if you ever want to talk to someone you can message me anytime or tag me in this or any thread.
@jennysunrise8 Thank you Jenny. You gave me some clarity.
@warmheartedCamp3360 It's OK to feel lonely sometimes. Everyone has moments of loneliness, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's important to recognize that feeling lonely is a normal part of life, and acknowledge your feelings. Instead of being hard on yourself, take some time to focus on self-care. Spend time doing activities you enjoy, reach out to someone you trust for support, and be gentle with yourself. You are worthy of love and connection and it's important to remember that. No matter how lonely you feel, you are never alone. You have the strength and courage to take control of your own life and create your own destiny. To begin, start by being more mindful of the thoughts and feelings that come up for you. Acknowledge them without judgment and be gentle with yourself. It can also be helpful to find activities that can help you to express your emotions in a healthy way, such as journaling or engaging in creative activities. Make time for yourself to relax and practice self-care. Connect with people who understand you and accept you for who you are. You are worthy of love and connection and it is up to you to take the steps to find peace and happiness.
@BodhisattvaIshan Thank you mate ! I have been trying to organizing my thoughts and focus on things which are more important. Hope everything will be be alright.