I want some people like me

I don't know why I've never fit in.

I mean, I try my best to fit in, I don't intentionally act mean. But for some reason, people just aren't interested in me, and I never seem to get any real connection.

I can't find anyone who likes the things I do, and I don't really talk about what I like anymore because everyone thinks I'm boring, I'm showing off, or "ew what is that".

I don't like being weird, so I tried doing what everyone else does. I did all the trends on *** or tried to tune into what everyone is talking about.

Everyone says I'm quiet, but I really just want to talk about the things that interests me, it'd be nice to have someone listen. But no-one cares, people would rather look at their phones.

I really want to find someone who at least will look me in the eye and listen as if I was interesting.

I think they don't like me, but I don't think I did anything to make them angry.

People act like I haven't a voice, when I do try to talk I am spoken over, I hate being spoken over by the more well-liked people. Everyone just turns their attention to them and forget me. It even happened on my 7 or 8th birthday, it was the only birthday I ever had where my parents let me have a party at home. Everyone ignored me, on my own birthday. I tried my best to play in whatever games they were doing but I was nobody, apparently.

I think that my whole life was spent trying to be the center of attention for once, to have all eyes adoring me for me. I know I sound needy but I just really want to find someplace new, someplace where I can find people like me, or even people who just care enough not to ignore me constantly.

My mom always said I was dramatic and attention-seeking, and I think this is true because the only way for me to be interesting is if there is some drama revolving around me, many years ago I even pretended to have a crush on some popular guy just so I can get attention. I never liked him.

But now I don't like being in the center of drama, I am basically forgotten.

Now I think of it, I remember some popular kid hosted birthday parties every year when I was in primary school, I always wanted to go because she lived just down the road from me and I heard she always had the best parties. My mom never let me go, so every year I just watched it from my window, then hear everyone talk about it in school for the next week.

I'm never invited anymore because everyone knows I wouldn't come.

Wow I kinda went on a rant there, this is getting kinda long. If you made it this far, thank you for reading it all ❤️