It hurts so much when someone takes my compassion and then hurts me
Many people many times felt touched by my compassion and support. Many people appreciated saying one or two kind words to them. Then there's a few people who took support from me and then didn't think twice to hurt me, treating me like trash. This feels so bad, but sometimes it happens that you find one or two people like this.
@floatingLeaf4973 hugs you tightly ❤ yeah people can be mean, some without realising it. You are loved here, and always welcome to be yourself ❤ cause yourself is beautiful ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
Thank you for your love Tiny.
@floatingLeaf4973 always here for you sweetie ❤❤ how are you feeling today?
@Tinywhisper11
I'm feeling between good and bad, worried about life. How are you feeling?
@floatingLeaf4973 I'm doing ok ❤❤ what worries you the most? Do you worry about the future?? Or is there something in particular your scared off?
@floatingLeaf4973 unfortunately I understand and agree..its painful. There are many people who seek to meet their needs....and once met, they discard you..or even worse they block you because they can't handle being honest when called out. Try to remember.....members come here to TAKE......and listener's come to GIVE. that dynamic will never be reciprocal. I hope you feel better soon. Its funny really because the typical dynamic of someone claiming they were are victim to something, will almost always behave In the same way they are upset by.
@LetsChillOut
I agree wholeheartedly with most of what you said. This is my member account and I only use my member account because currently I feel like I couldn't give people without sharing about myself. But I always make sure to not only take. Most times I have to become the listener with listeners here too, many members experience this here. And I usually interact with other members in forums or chat rooms, and I talk to them using listener id if needed. Before speaking I explicitly tell them I'm looking for support, but I'll support you too. One person agreed and when I called out they forget what I share about myself- turned out they don't listen to people here because they can't remember. So in the beginning they could've made it clear that they couldn't give me. But they wholeheartedly took from me and when I called out blocked me. When I told some other members that I wasn't receiving support from them, they said I was nothing but kind to them. So even if the first person couldn't give me, at least they could have the decency to admit that my words helped them and not block me.
I appreciate you sharing about the blocking, it helped me heal. The blocking is not only in 7 cups but also in other platforms too, like dis.cord. People don't see anything wrong in just taking from another person and then treating them like trash, as if love and compassion is as daily thing as tissue. While Love and compassion is sacred.
I don't agree with the listeners coming here to give, I think most people here come to take, maybe by listening to others and seeking distractions or feeling like they are worth something, these listeners get triggered very easily even if the member is sharing about their personal experience, they start to defend the perpetrator. Or if the member says they're not receiving the proper support, they get angry because the whole point of their listening is to feel like they're capable of something, that they otherwise don't feel. Some bring out their own pain when you share yours, in this case they should be seeking support instead of listening.
This has been discussed many times about how listeners here are like etc.
But I have many times received understanding here which I couldn't elsewhere. There are some listeners who understand the boundary.
In general it's not just 7 cups, it's hard to find people who would do the right thing regarding treating another human with decency. Giving support to someone just because that other person is in danger and every soul deserves help because we could be in their situation any time. Or if they can't help, saying, I can see you're in danger but I can't help, because I don't have the proper tools, I don't know what you need in this situation or I am also in a similar situation and need extra support too.
@floatingLeaf4973 what is your job? You don't live in a safe area? Me I've been ill with a unknown virus since the week before Halloween. I don't have a immune system so I am a bit scared tbh. Otherwise I'm as safe as I will ever be. And I've never actually had a job. Dispite all my moaning. I've got a great life now, I'm very lucky ❤ your job must be really hard😞 are you scared of where you live? You don't have any family either, just like me. That's ok cause 7 cups is our family we are all family here ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
My job will be research in Theoretical Computer Science if I ever get to manage it. It's scary because it's unpredictable when the problem will be solved. And it takes a lot of effort to come into the Math mindset, that is to clear my mind of foggy thoughts. But once I'm in it, it's pretty fun. Then it's hard to stop thinking about it and going to sleep is hard. There are more reasons, I find it hard to do this work under pressure.
I'm living in a dangerous environment means my villagers are abusive to me, and my family members are abusive to me. I feel like I'm in danger when I work and on top of that abuse makes me feel uncertain about the future. My health is being affected, bad skin, bad stomach, kind of chronic pain etc. The pressure to move out of home but also the extreme fear that they will cause so much mental pain that I'll fail to do the necessary paperwork, organization to leave for abroad. So I feel like I'm always in danger. This feeling hampers with my ability to work.
I'm sorry you don't have a family, it's really hard to live alone. I guess I'll be in this situation if I'm capable of leaving home. I'm sorry you don't have an immune system, I can imagine being afraid of simple virus that other people don't even have to think about. It must be hard living with this condition.
@floatingLeaf4973 I really hope you get to go abroad, and hopefully a lot of pressure and stresses will be taken of your shoulders. It's really sad how so many people are being abused by family 😞
My life hasn't been great either, I know the fear of abuse😢 gives you a giant festive tiny hug ❤ my immune system is so. Bad because my last left me with a broken spine that's not completely fixable, so they amputated my legs a few years ago. That's why I don't have a job. I need 24 hour care. But I get ill slot so I'm probably worried about nothing
@Tinywhisper11
I'm so sorry you had to go through such horrible experiences with broken spine and amputated legs. It must be hard to live like this, I'm really sorry. I would be in pain too if I were in your situation. I appreciate you reaching out here and seeking help. Sending you lots of love and comforting energy. <3
@floatingLeaf4973
Hi Leaf! 😊 ❤️ Thank you for your forum post and for sharing of yourself here with us. Many times it takes courage to do so.
Your forum post highly resonates with me and indeed, does "pull at my heart strings". *rolls up sleeves*😊 I will do my best for you!
First, I'd like to say thank you! Thank you for all that you do and who it is that you are. Thank you for sharing your gifts with the world...your time, treasures and talents. If they didn't appreciate you, I'm more than happy to do so. I'm so sorry that you feel undervalued and unappreciated. I just so happen to know exactly how that feels from time to time. I understand.
I know that moments like that can be really hard. Some days one can feel as if the old adage of "no good deed goes unpunished" is true. *sighs* Even, perhaps, one can feel as if they have "thrown their pearls to swine". It's not a good feeling, at all, when someone has done their personal best to help another and in turn, is treated poorly.
Some like to engage in what is called black and white thinking. I explore the grey. Some like to see the world in 2 types of people...givers and takers. I don't see it that way. I think there are givers, takers and those that are true givers at heart, but just need a moment, need support and help, are having a hard time and need to go to the "well" of another to have their cup filled up as their "emotional well" has become a bit depleted.
It's unfortunate when others might have clouded vision, aren't seeing the situation properly due to their own stress, lack of emotional regulation, mood driven behavior, circumstances in life that could be overwhelming for them and might not even have the capacity to give a simple "thank you" to another.
In an effort to be of help, enough about them....let's talk about us. 😊 I'll share with you how it is that I try to frame situations like this up as I know that I cannot change what it is that has happened. I cannot "unring a bell".
I know that I cannot change them, I cannot change their behavior. While the situation may have been unfortunate, I am left with how I can manage the emotions that I have. 💡
One thing that makes me feel better as a human being is knowing that I tried and that I did my personal best. This helps me to sleep well at night. I showed up! I cared and I did my part! I know in my heart that I did it, even if it went unrecognized.
I also understand that sometimes people might not be the right "fit" for one another. We are all different, special and unique. I may provide support in a certain way because of how I am as a human being and they may want to receive support in a different way based on how it is that they are also, as a human. Neither is wrong, neither is right, it's simply different.
If I am not the right "fit" to provide support for another, they are free to go and continue on their search of what I call a "Goldilocks Listener". 😊 My thought process is modeled after the childrens story of "Goldilocks and the Three Bears". This porridge is too hot, this porridge is too cold and then finally....this porridge is just right. (As an aside, even If I am not the right "fit" for another, I will still do my personal best to spend time with them, give them tips and tricks on how to find the right listener for them if in fact they might be interested and receptive to the concept). I still added value to the situation. 😊
Another thing that I like to do is see it as a learning experience. There really is a learning curve to many things. I try to think about what was it that I did right and potentially, what was it that I may have done wrong and how is that I could improve if presented with a similar situation in the future? I see this as winning! Weeeeeeeeeeeee weeeeeeeeee! 😊 My time spent was not in vain either if I learned something.
Many times it can be a situation of ...nothing to learn there....I kind of laugh and say "oh, I learned how not to treat people because that felt horrible"! The onus is on them. lol😊
And so even in those moments, something that brings me comfort is to make an effort to "fill up my own cup" by reading, once again Mother Teresa's "Do It Anyway". In the literature it has been said that we can't exactly say that she wrote it, we don't know the true author, however she "coined" it and made it come to light as this what was found written on her wall, in her room after "passing".
Yes, if you are also a listener here on the platform, signing into your member account is wonderful as well as reaching out to peer support (while on your listener account) for after a difficult or triggering chat and/or mild site issues. One can also find a mentor here on the platform. I see them as the "secret handbook" to 7 cups. They help and support us, they train us and they develop us in many ways in how to handle chats as well as feelings associated with them.
Leaf, again, many thanks for your wonderful forum post. ❤️ I'm hoping I was of help for you today and even if not, someone else may come along, see what it is that both you and I wrote and they may find value in it.
*high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️