I haven’t written poetry in years, but I needed an outlet.

10/28/2024 - If I Must

If I have to, I will start again.

I will start again every year if I must.

I will change with every season,

Adapting to colder environments, tucking the blanket under my own toes as I hug my body close for warmth.

Blossoming in the sunny months, surrounded by all I need to be fulfilled,

Showered in encouragement and the belief

That wilted doesn’t always mean dead.

And if I must, 

I will start again every month.

Taking it slowly, budgeting my energy like my illnesses are bills, hiding around the corner of next week waiting to lap up what I’ve worked so hard to save. 

But I’m very frugal. 

And I’ve lived on less.

And if I must, I will.

I will start again every single day.

From the moment the sun forces my weary eyes awake,

Not really from sleep but just from the time I spent hallucinating in bed for as many hours as the pain will allow.

I will drag a warm washcloth across my face.

Even on the days I don’t recognize it as my own.

Especially those days.

I will stand on my own two feet, even when they hurt, 

especially when they hurt,

Because as long as there is pain, there is still something inside of me.

There is still the possibility

That I can start again.

And as long as I can start again,

As long as I get to start again,

I am still here.

I’m still alive.

And for that reason alone,

Not only can I, 

But I must.