Idk, but I just do! (Attachment Problems?)

So idk where to start. So I had a best friend for 4½ years, and this year January she ended the friendship very unfairly and unexpectedly. She was my go-to, and I did everything for her and what she wanted. Mind you, this friendship was very toxic, and after a very long fight that went on for months because of some things she did, I forgave her and gave her a second chance. She wasn't a good friend, but I manipulated myself to believe she was because I was emotionally attached to her and didn't want to lose her because I was scared of being alone. After she ended our friendship in January, I was devastated because, like I said, she just ended the friendship out of nowhere and said she hated me and never wanted to speak with me over TEXT.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about.

In the beginning, when she first dumped me, I talked a lot about the situation with my friends and classmates. I usually don't talk about my feelings but I just needed to Talk about it because I didn't understand and the thing is If I don't understand something I automatically push myself so much until I find a logical explanation for myself but I couldn't understand why she did this to me since In contrast, she was much worse friend than i was(belive me when I say MUCH MUCH worse) So I talked and talked and talked about what she was and what?I didn't understand the first few Weeks a lot. The thing is, since then, I never stopped.You know , not in a way where I talk about her negatively. I also don't miss her or think of her often and of what we had.It's more like when I hear something or see something that reminds me of Her that I say stuff like: "Oh, you know what SHE did once." or "Oh, I remember one time SHE did this." or "You know me and HER used to do this here." or "Here This happened." and mostly I grin when I talk about stuff like that because I think of how stupid her actions were but it's not like once in a while what I think would be totally normal after a friendship of 4½ years ended and I think it'll at least take at least 4 ½ years to "forget" her completely but to say something and anything about her EVERYDAY is something I don't want to do because I don't want to give her that attention that she doesn't even deserve.

I don't know if it's because I could never REALLY talk to this problem properly to somebody that I do this. Because of course I told the stories multiple times but it wasn't really a deep and helpful and good convo it was just the teen friends being like "omg she's such a *** wtf?!" and that would be like it. I also have a feeling the half doesn't even want to listen because it's a "dumb" or to long story and everytime I talk about it I apparently am to "hectic" or "loud?" and that's why they just cut me off. I guess they just don't have time to listen to all of it even tho in short stories they already have.

Or genuinely just something else.

It's also not much it's just 1 or 2 sentences of short stories per day but still.

I JUST WANT TO MOVE ON BRO.

Also, because I bet she doesn't give the slightest *** about me anyway and doesn't have the same problem. She's at a new school and she knows nobody there and nobody know me But I'm still at our old school and our whole class knew her and knew what she's like so it's easy to talk about her because they KNOW.

I wouldn't tell a new friend that I had just met about my past problems but people that were bystanders while all of that happened. I would probably not notice properly like I'm doing rn.

Also, I'm a random talker. If something pops up in my head, I'll say it, and if I remember a story from our past, I'll just tell it and yapp about it.

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

And I think my friends are getting annoyed(at least one) of it and we'll I don't want to make them more annoyed then they already are with me.

Please send help😭🙏