Hello My Names Jessie Here's My Pickle

Hello to whoever may read this im jessie im a few days away from turning 15 but ive been in quite a few pickles recently the biggest one right now for me is dealing with my ex its a huge mess so we broke up in october after 2 years of dating (she was very toxic and had cheated on me before in the relationship and expressed that she wanted to date someone else which she did a lot so i was done with it) it didnt take me long to get over her quite honestly because i was kinda already over her i was trapped in a relationship i hated i tried to leave a month earlier but pressured into staying but the main reason i got over her so quickly was the week after we broke up i started dating this really beautiful and smart and funny girl (btw i started talking to her after me and my ex broke up) that relationship with the second girl effected me and still effects me today more than my ex of two years did and me and her only dated for a month (tbh i felt i messed a lot of things up in that month long relationship just being too much because going straight from a 2 year relationship to a new one i didnt know how to build a relationship) me and her are still friends and wave by each other in the halls but sorry getting sidetracked lmao (it happens a lot) but with my ex of two years i just out of the blue stupidly texted her because there had been rumors of us and what not floating around and i wanted to let her know which was so dumb looking back on it but we got on a call and called for hours purely friends and thats all i want im not sure about her though and im not sure if i even want to be friends with her but i made an excuse to get out of talking to her being that i started talking to a girl and talking to an ex is a huge red flag (keep in mind this was months after we broke up) but i went back to talk to her because we were talking about like talking one last time before just ending everything but idk how keen she is to end everything now because shes trying to get me to tell my friends im talking to her as a friend though i dont want to (and i havent) and she pulls the card of "you promised" "you lied" "you said you would do _ and never did" when theyre hard decisions to make and in the moment talking to her im scared to tell her no due to what happened in the relationship when i would say no but when im not talking to her im like to myself "you idiot why talk to her just stop talking to her shes not worth it" and tbh she isnt worth all this pain but i cant just do that to someone even if i hate them im going to try to push it when i talk to her last (we scheduled it) to push like hey this is the last time we talk you know yeah but thats my pickle right now well just kinda one of many girl problems right now lmao i dont get it but sorry for ranting about all this but thank you so much for reading if you did