Finally I'm about to open up and share

Hello there. Every time I want to start writing, the guilt of being exposed overwhelms me, thus I refrain from doing so.

But I was having technical problems and couldn't talk with listeners etc for about a month. It actually made me realize how opportunities can slip away and never return.

Fortunately here I am and I'm about to share this at the age of 17.

Yet I'm still refrain from sharing personal information etc, and some more stuff.

So please bare with me, I appreciate if you read.

So many opportunities that I lost, here I am, In about a year I turn adult, but that isn't important. I want to talk about lonely ness.

Through after some challenges I learned that you have to be thankful, it is better for you. So I'm not complaining over things, I have hope and I'm positive. All I ask is to read, and say if you was in a similar situation. I want to know if they are people who experience what I'm about to tell.

From a long time I didn't find a friend with similarities. I know friends aren't exactly the same, but I just befriend some girls who was children of my mother's friends.

Sometimes they were unrespectful, but I still continue my friendship with em. I didn't have a friend at my age. But they end their friendship with me after some time.

Please don't recommend school friends or joining communities, Im against most of my culture.

My father is 40 years older than me and my mom 35 years older than me. I have to brothers with 15 to 16 Year age gap. I told you this because in absence of a same age friend, I learned to be mature to get closer to my brothers.

That is part of the reason I'm more comfortable with adults than most teenagers. And I dislike most kids.

Part of the reason I can't find friends near me is that I'm an anomaly in my culture.

Here in my culture, girls should learn to cook, sew and make clothes, and stay quiet. My family wasn't like that, we value boy and girl equaly, but even my unculs or grandparents etc aren't like us. Except my grandpa I lost when I was about 5.

I'm an anomaly, I'm a girl who dislike Color pink, enjoy sports, enjoy video games and don't enjoy fashion. Yet I'm so emotional at the same time, but I lessons to my mind, and my heart.

I never was grounded, I don't think there was more than 10 times that I didn't listen to my father. I find good friends on cups but I was friend less for about a 16 years.

I don't think I would ever find love in my country, maybe a miracle would happen. I never had a boyfriend, not even a boy as friend. So please wish me success, and a True love.

I'm trying to grow, I know no relationship is perfect, but I'm trying my best to be ready for love. I am loyal and honest. And I have a longing for love. My mother probably had surgery in next week, please wish her success, too.

I apologize for grama errors, I learned English by myself when I was about 13 with the help of my bro. And I talked a lot, it was my first time talking about these stuff. I'm feeling lighter now.