Coping with cut ties.
Hello... You may find it silly what I'm about to say or not but it us what makes me feel upset at the moment.
I'm 20 years old and I'm in my final year of university, today I had a big presentation to present my achievements in the internship program we all per took of in school and I know I should've been focusing on my lines and what to say but I kept thinking about this guy in my class who's no longer on speaking terms with him...
Sometimes I blame myself for our friendship ending, if I hadn't told him how I felt about how he treats me, if I hadn't ruined the good times would things be good? Would I have kept him but yet when I think about all the terrible things he said like I have a f*** up mindset or that he's embarrassed to be friends with him or he never liked how pathetic I was because of my low self esteem.
I don't know if you've guessed this but I liked him, I know I shouldn't like him but he never gave me a definitive answer when I told him how I felt and yet I feel like a fool for trying my best to convince him. I had cut ties with him because he asked us to buy when I saw him in the hall today, I felt my heart crack a bit because it looked like he didn't care with the fact that I was existing in front of him. Usually, I'd try to apologize and beg him to forgive but I don't know why, my body just won't let me.
I feel pathetic for caring about him when he doesn't, I always knew he was stronger and more self confident compared to me and I thought I had healed from this but I guess I'm just weak to the sight of him (sigh)
P.s: the presentation was great btw.
@Dreee oh dear, i m sorry i m so so sorry,
our heart sometimes does stupid and illogical things, you did nothing wrong by confronting , he is not a good company to keep if cant improve your selfworth, he should continuously tell you how awesome you are but tagt is bot the case.
the things you did in past and feeling stupid doing it remember you did best with what knowledge you had, at that time you felt you can show your heart to him and maybe he will realize your worth, but him liking or not liking you has nothing to do with your worth.
i wont even tell you to pursue further because he is not even a good friend to keep, you need people who empower and uplift you.
also you have to work on your self esteem getting attach or developing feeling for someone who is bullying you shows that you have low self worth, do things that shows you that you can do almost anything you set your mind to, create small goals and celebrate the victory of accomplishment.
congratulation for the presentation❤️❤️
@Dreee let's talk..:) I would try my best to support you with this.
It always hurts when you lose someone you cared about, no matter how awful they might have been. The fact he doesnt care now means he probably never cared, and that hurts. Caring can cause a lot of pain, but it makes you a better person than him. It will get you places. Caring is better than not caring. Don't change yourself.
@Dreee
First, this is not silly, it's painful and it's sad to learn you are going experiencing such difficult emotions.
Second, please do not confuse self-confidence with bullying. From what you are describing, he bullied you in the past - who in their right mind would say "I'm embarrassed to be your friend" to someone they like?! Friends and lovers are there to help you grow, not to put you down.
You had a lot of courage to take care of yourself and end this toxic relationship; be proud of yourself! You took care of your needs (to be respected) and have drawn a boundary. Congratulations! Build on this strength, it's not your fault that the relationship ended and you don't need to change who you are to be liked, you seem like a genuinely caring person. He's been a bully and is immature: cannot handle rejection so he's punishing you with the silent treatment.
I'd rather want to hear you say that you made a mistake by allowing the relationship to last so long. Allow yourself to be angry at him for treating you the way he did and allow yourself to be compassionate towards yourself.
Congratulations on your presentation! Big big hug!
