Being an outcast

@D4n1ell4

hey...i have read ur past posts...
this is getting out hand isnt it?
can u  get some adults invloved maybe parents? like i mean at this point they r just excluding u even tho u have tried ur best to move past the mistakes... and i dont think thats right...

anyways...u can do this....! just dont give up ok? 
love u lots!

p.s. i seriously cant get over how those people acted during p.e....thats soo rude :/

heyy girl

I’m going through a super similar situation as you are right now, and I know exactly how horrible you must feel. What they’re doing to you is really immature, especially since you are regretful. I wish i could give you some real advice but the best I can do is give you a few tips. So when im in school and i get that feeling in my stomach and I feel really overwhelmed and anxious and alone (i hope you get what i mean), what I do is I close my eyes and remember that I have me. Like no matter what happens, if i have friends, if i dont, no matter what, i will always have me, and thats what matters. I dk how, but this rlly helps to like ground me and makes me feel a little better. Another thing i do is i make myself hyper aware of school. What i mean is that right now, school seems incredibly daunting and a huge part of my life. But then i gaslight myself and go like oh wait if you really think about it, you have 7 days in a week, and you only go to school 5 days a week, 7 hours a day. Its just a temporary center kids my age gather at to yk learn stuff. but the thing is its just a small part of my life yk? like my real life is outside of school, my family, my goals, my life. i try to think of school as a temporary place, and my life outside it as the main part of my life. kids in school are kept totally separate from example my family, or childhood friends. i hope my explanation made sense i tried my best 😭😭 also another thing i do is have a ‘reward’ for myself at the end of every school day. some days, i go to the mall and get something i’ve been wanting, some days i go to the library and get some books, some days i go to the cafe and get my favourite drink, and most days i look forward to just sitting in my room and watching my favourite movies. i wish you all the best and i hope things get better for you soon! just thug it out and i promise it will get better! love you girl 💓💓 you can do this!!

ps if we went to the same school i bet we’d be best friends 😝

@D4n1ell4 I commend the self ownership you have taken here. It is truly amazing. Reflection is very important to learn and grow from our mistakes in the past. The fact that you have reflected and realize your actions/behaviors have hurt others is a demonstration of true growth. 

If restorative justice is not possible to those you hurt and they are unwilling to forgive, you can not control that and their unwillingness to forgive is more a reflection of an internal struggle inside themselves or need to heal. None of us are perfect and as the speaker in this reply I have been on both sides of the coin myself, the person who hurt and the person who was hurt. 

Perhaps for consideration and reflection you have had two learnings here, one realized and one unrealized. The unrealized one being the need for forgiveness. If restorative justice is being denied by those you have hurt, perhaps the way around this is for you to reflect on a situation where someone hurt you and you found it difficult to forgive. However boundaries must be deeply considered prior to doing this because the person who has hurt you in the past may not be blessed with the self ownership you shared here. If that is the case, a good exercise may be declaring that forgiveness to them silently and genuinely to yourself. 

You are not defined by your errors of the past. What defines you is the self ownership you took in making your post and how you take what you learned and apply it ever moment from here on out. In this perspective you can turn lemons into lemonade per say. 

Without making mistakes in darkness, can we ever truly recognize and appreciate good and light? While this is not an excuse to be used for hurting others, it serves as a powerful perspective for those who have learned from it and declare to themselves, "I will not allow myself to be like that again."  

As a anon on here who read your post. I was very touched by the self ownership you demonstrated. Very few are capable of that kind of honesty and growth inside of themselves and then showing/sharing it with the world. 

While the person / people you hurt may not be in a place where they have healed enough to forgive yet, I can tell you that your post has inspired me to forgive those who have hurt me in the past. 

Speaking from experience, it sucks, but u'll get used to it.