Even though I've been going well and am proud of where I am one moment yesterday (20/04/2016) has made me so numb to my current self, this was hearing my pop (grandfather) passed away durring the early morning, mum called me to tell me what happened and all Wednesday I was pacing and crying and cocooning myself (something I do to feel safe) even now being Thursday evening I don't really know what to do I float between things that usually bring joy, but now won't, I saw mum this afternoon because I need her to write a letter in support of me for something (it's 18:30 as I write) teary eyed, as I was about to leave, in the smallest voice (I've ever noticed of myself) "can I have a hug" which happened and mum replied "it's alright he's in a better place" which I know he is yet that doesn't stop the numb or wanting of many more hugs/cuddles (mums one earlier was my first in a long time.
