What Makes A Listener "Good."
I used to use this website frequently, but now I only use it rarely. I saw the notification for this and decided to give my own response. Instead of asking for a listener here like everyone else, I'm just going to say what I think makes a listener good.
1) RESPOND. I have had many listeners that stop responding to me or block me for talking about my problems. I didn't get angry at them, I didn't say anything bad/disturbing, and I genuinely needed support for real problems. If you don't feel capable enough to handle a chat anymore, then please say so. Don't simply brush a person's problems off and ignore them. There have been times when that action alone (getting ignored after sharing my problems) has made me consider suicide. "Everyone around me hates me, and not even strangers will listen to me, so maybe I should just give up." Don't let someone get to that point. What if that was YOU getting ignored? It doesn't feel so great, does it?
2) Be sympathetic. Sometimes I wonder if people pay any attention at all to the listener guides and the qualification tests to become a listener. Does it not recommend how to speak to a person in need? Doesn't it tell you to say, "I understand how you feel," "If I were in your shoes, I would..." or ANYTHING that's remotely sympathic to others? Doesn't it also say NOT to give advice? I've seen many listeners blatantly give you "advice." They'll tell you to "DO THIS" or "DO THAT." They aren't suggesting it. They're demanding it. Then, they spit on your problems by telling you it's nothing or that you're in the wrong compeletely. I've even had listeners say that they aren't going to follow the listening guidelines at all. I wanted to explain to someone the importance of doing as this website asks, but I didn't feel like getting into an argument with them. They insisted that they didn't need to follow the rules.
One more thing about sympathy... If you really have nothing to say, you can find ways to relate to them. I do this on occasion with my listener account. Instead of JUST saying "I understand how you feel," I also explain why. I'll give a quick sentence or two to let them know, "Hey, I've been through this. My family also _____." I'm not afraid to get personal with these people. If I'm going to try to help them, I think they should know that they aren't alone in their struggles.
3) Listen. That's a no-brainer. Listen. That's all you have to do. Allow the person to vent, let them know you're there for them, and perhaps give them SUGGESTIONS (not advice) on how to handle their situation. Do not provide only one, such as "Go to a therapist." That is the most common suggestion I hear. It is a sure-fire way to make me angry. If you need help when handling a certain chat, there ARE people available for that. There are a lot of sources to run to if you find yourself in a difficult conversation. You can also just refer that person to someone else so you don't waste their time and they don't waste yours.
4) Be passionate. Have a reason for being a listener. Have a goal in mind when listening to others. I think one of the problems with inexperienced, newer listeners is that they have no real reason to be one. They take on general requests that they don't care about and drop the conversation soon after. Think about this: Why are you a listener? What is it that you're wanting to do? How can you help this person in need? When I first became a listener, I made it my personal goal to HELP members of this website and keep talking to them until they feel better. I was still very depressed at the time, so I made it my goal for those people to walk away with smiles on their faces or their tears dried. If I couldn't be happy, I wanted someone else to be. And, if I could make them happy, then I'd be happy. It gave me hope every time I helped someone.
That's all I have for now. If anyone else wants to share their thoughts about what they want from a listener, then please leave them below. :)