Trying to be a better person, and completely understand/crystallize my identity.

I'm looking for a long-term listener, but I've never actually talked to a listener at all. I still find it difficult to open up, especially without a lot of forethought about what I will say. And as much as I feel that I need to commit to something long-term, I'm still not sure if I can, but someone suggested that if I were up front about that, if a listener knows what to expect, then that wouldn't be so bad.

There are a few issues I'm dealing with.

I'm gender fluid, I think. It's the best way I've found to explain the confusing flip-flopping my brain goes through from day to day. (Then again, that could just be a kind of denial. I don't mind how things turn out; I just want to understand this better.) I really want a listener who understands things like this, more than anything, but for some reason, I didn't want to put it in the topic title.

I have frequent depression, and some anxiety. A lot of it is related to the above, I guess. Maybe not all of it, but a significant portion. I'm trying to build self-esteem and self-worth without being or feeling selfish. I notice the pure empathy some people here are capable of, the ability to encourage perfect strangers sincerely, and I wish I had that. I wish everyone had that. I guess I believe that a fully actualized person is capable of such things.

Thanks for reading, if you did. I'll be very impressed if anyone decided to try to be my listener. I've seen a lot of these that seem to go unanswered, and as tempted as I am to try and be someone's listener, I know that I really can't. It's a serious undertaking, and I don't blame anyone who doesn't feel up to it.