Newly Broken Up Male, help :3

Need emotional support: recovering, self esteem, lonely,
---I feel afraid of her
---I feel overwhelmed
---I feel lost

---I feel let down
---i feel confused
---I feel judged

---I keep getting lonely, sad, feeling isolated.
---I feel like i have low impulse control
---I keep trying to distract myself but it doesn't work well, i end up being just...angry at giving into my thoughts most of the time...i could use support with making smart decisions when my mind is clowded with thoughts of self hatred...

---I'm feeling like...i want to get my life together and pick myself back up but i feel like...completely unsupported and she really let me down and judged me when she left and it's like...every second i'm not doing it i feel...less and less as a person and it honestly makes me depressed and insecure and afraid.

---I keep wanting to get with other girls and talk to them and move forward, keep making progress on my own goals (personal development and growing) but i feel down about it when i do it..and end up just not doing it...

---I feel like i can't do it because i can't handle...emotional connection quite yet...and still wanting it with her and all kinds of other conflictions which are holding me back that im having the hardest time processing. ironically though i want another woman to help me do it and love me for it T_T...I've never felt this incling of desire for attention from a woman before and it's so unsettling to be this out of control....this is what i get for eating the forbidden fruit.

---I feel like she's gonna see this, see me be vulnerable and ask for help and look down on me for doing it...for needing this for not being enough...I feel so misunderstood and helpless and like...put down..and...held down...oppressed almost...

---She made me feel cause i wasn't in college and crushing things that i wasn't enough, now i think if i'm not in college i'm not enough..want to go to a college and have sex with a bunch of girls and rub it in her face...but i can't bare the shame of letting anyone near me see what I've become over these 2 years...proud as i am of my progress in my life as i am it doesn't "LOOK" good...it's ironic though...when i had her it did look good...i felt like i could walk outside with my head held high...and now i'm just..not enough..not matter what anybody says.

---Discovering new things has brought me some solice and peace of mind in these dark times, helping a person...changing a life one person at a time with..what little i can offer. It's not enough though i need to be the change i see in other people...i need to own this. I need to be differently...so i can be enough. Idk...Hope someone can help :3.

I NEED HELP :( "