In the world alone
I am biracial and struggling to feel connected to my peers and hoping to talk to someone who understands and has been there before'. I get discriminated against a lot.i am very shy and it gives me anxiety whe i have to do presentations. My parents blame me for my sexual abuse
I'm really sorry to hear this 😞. I have been there and I'm still there. Ive not been sexually abused but it's cruel your parents blame you for it. I have been (and in still being) verbally/physically abused. To be honest I don't know what to say, I want to pour my heart out but I can't think what my heart wants to say. <3
There are a lot of issues that you are dealing with at once: being biracial, discrimination, sexual abuse, and actually being blamed for that abuse.
It must have taken a ton of courage to get this far and to post about it. I believe that nothing but good can come from bringing this up in this type of safe forum.
Do you think there is any way you could separate these injustices, even a tiny bit, to try and not have to deal with them all at once? Only you can answer that. Do you think you could find someone you could speak with to help you work through these horrors? It may not be easy to find the right person, but I believe it would be worth the effort.
However you proceed, please don't forget that there is no one more deserving of your love, patience, kindness, and grace than you! All too often we are able to freely offer these to others, but withhold them from ourselves. Please be kind to yourself.
Do whatever (that is not harmful) that you need to do! Screw what others think or say.
You are important, special, and worthy of being loved just the way you are right this very moment: scabs & scars and all!
I am deeply saddened to read your post, yet glad that I didn't miss it. I hope to see you continue to post.
Thanks@JeffWM. I am ashamed of this abuse I cannot go public and show my face anymore for fear but I would like to spread awareness about sibling sexual abuse.
@orangeComputer1308
I guess it would sound trite for me to say that you did nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of. How you feel right now is how you feel; I respect that (although I disagree).
Perhaps you could consider therapy again, just not anyplace local? I'm not sure.
You are, and will continue to be, in my thoughts.
I did therapy but stopped because of conflicts I am very embarrassed by this abuse that I cannot go public without wearing a mask anymore because of fear. I want to spread awareness to the damage of incest and sibling sexual abuse. What hurts a rape victim the most can be not getting support or self blame. That just my opinion it can be different for every victim. Please help spread awareness and tolerance these actions can tear a person apart into no coming back thanks.
@orangeComputer1308
I want you to know that first, I wanted to sleep on this and read it again. I am deeply saddened by your suffering. As difficult as it might be, try not to believe that you deserve to suffer more than you already are.
I also wonder, and perhaps you may choose to explain, why exactly do you feel you must wear a mask and hide during a confidential therapy session? You mention it is because of fear. Would you be so kind as to clarify for me what exactly are you afraid about? (I was dropped on my head a lot as a child, so things that may seem clear aren't ;)
I cannot say that I feel your pain, yet I am deeply trouble by it and the fact that I feel I have nothing semi-intelligent to say.
May I ask, given your perceived (and I do NOT mean that as if they are not very real) restrictions, do you have any ideas on how you might start on a path to healing? How might we assist?
You have been in my thoughts and sadly, I know you are not alone.
Be well and try to be kind to yourself.
thanks@JeffWM When i say i must wear a mask on daily living means if i was to reveal my story to anymore people than those it is already known to I could not do so publicly and let everyone know that it is my story. For example I am going to a concert to perform while performing i will wear a mask because I don't want everyone to know I am the performer.
@orangeComputer1308
Bless your heart, I cannot even begin to imagine what you must be going through. I have a very close friend going through the very same thing, which happened when she was a child.
With my issues therapy did very little for me aswell.
I hope you find the answers you need to help you heal, and move on with your life. Always feel free to message me if you need a kind ear.
God bless
@orangeComputer1308
You are not alone. I did suffer from the same abuse more than 30 years ago and I am still "connected" to this story. I have learned to accept it and that this is mostly invisible on the outside. There were decades I wished I lost a leg or an arm so people outside would recognize my wound, but on the outside I have been, am and I guess always will be the shining small person with a big smile. Maybe sometimes eccentric and overreacting, but always appearing to be quite happy. In my case I know that this will never go away and that there always remain some moments of feeling injustice. But the good news, you will have more and more moments where you do not think about it, where it does not come hourly, but daily, or not daily, but weekly... And there will be weeks without these thoughts, at least on my way it is so. Maybe being open helps you.
