I wish I could tell everybody that...
@mylifeaseva that being alone makes me feel panicked and scared and i'm not as "okay" as i seem
How much I actually care for them, so much that my head swims and heart jumps
Not all my smiles are real
I'n gonna die
I wish I could tell everybody that feelings can affect your mental well being
I wish I could tell everyone how much what my step dad to to me really effected me. He molested me for four years starting in 6th grade and didn't end until 9th when I finally got proof and told the school and police. I have PTSD and I can't be around old men. My step dad was 68, and 17 years older than my mom. If I smell the colgne he use to wear, see a car that looks like his, see someone who looks like him I freak. It took them a year to put him in prison and it was only a piece of paper that kept him away from me. My mom dated him the whole time, and it just now devorcing him. He has been in prison for a year, and has 14 more to go. It will be cut in half if he is on good behavoir. But I wish I could tell everyone how much it has really effected me. How I have trouble distinguishing between "not obviously pleased" and "obviously displeased" because my step dad went from neutral to hostile for no discenible reason. I worry that everyone will be like that. When my gf replies with one worded messages, or is just quiet, I always think she is mad or that I did something wrong. One of my friends told me this is because to me "Thers no evidence that they're mad or upset", is the same as "Theres evidence that they are angry." and I don't know how to explain that to my friends, my family, or my gf. Let alone the school. I wish I could just tell them how much I cry and want to give up but I can't. I'm too scared of going back to the behavoral hospital.... They treated me so badly. Like a prisoner or dog...
They hurt so me so much and that I still love them inspite of it.
I wish I could tell everybody that I am lonely...
I wish I could tell everyone that I want to be seen. I wish I could tell everyone that I have a very full, happy laugh. And they just need to see me to hear it.
Wish that i can tell evreybody that im not as bad as they think i am