Trust issues
I really want a friend but I have serious trust issues. I can’t trust anyone. I’ve been always told there is no real friendship, and people leave you and get tired of you someday. I also don’t wanna be lonely. How can I fix this? I’m also so shy and awkward and no one wants to be friends with awkward people
@anonyHuman933
It is sad to hear about your difficult feelings, being torn apart between the need of other significant people in your life and the fear of rejection or being joked at.
May I ask who told you there are no real friendships in this life? I am just curious, because from my experience a hidden message behind that is "The world is bad place, full of bad people, so you have only me, and have to stay with me".
This was a kind of messaging my mother used to use when she tried to keep me at home and dim her loneliness (with me being isolated from my social environment as a result).
I believe making friends with somebody is a gradual process. In case of one of my close friends it took four years just seeing his face in the same school, attending the same university for a half a year, and meeting him accidentally on the street of our home town.
Also, I think it is difficult to have the same friends through our entire life, because as we grow physically and mentally our lifestyles and values may significantly change.
I am afraid that people who declare having lots of friends sometimes barely scratch the surface of a real connection, and do that maybe just not to feel lonely. How they feel inside, we never know.
And, God only knows how many girls I discouraged when I was younger, trying to tell them the entire story of my life seeing them for the first or the second time. Now I believe it takes more small steps between discussing the weather and talking about the purpose in life.
I still remember how dry my mouth was whenever I was trying to say anything being on a date. And how much awkward I felt. But then I started to believe most people may need being close to someone as much as I do...
Some people say trust might be a self-fulfilling prophecy. How far would you agree with that? Do you think showing trust to someone can be more a kind of win-win situation, or rather a risk of exposing yourself and losing something in your own eyes?
My mom said, bc many times I used to say I really want friends but she either said it’s my fault I have no friends, and I need to change myself and said there is no real friendship bc she had a best friend who fought with her once for no reason it ended their friendship. I think even if you trust someone you still think they might have a side no one knows. I just don’t want to be friends with fake and toxic people anymore bc everyone who I was friends with was fake and used to talk *** behind my back. And I had a friend who used to lie to me all the time and I used to believe everything she was saying.
@anonyHuman933
Unfortunately, that is the bad thing which happens sometimes. We expect from our parents they should support us and love us, whatever we may do. Instead, they might try - often even without realizing that - to make us feel continuously insufficient and guilty.
Friends are only humans, and they can make mistakes, too. But how would you feel if - for example just for one day - you let yourself to be not a perfect person, having not perfect friends, but still it making you feel more welcomed in this world and less alone?
@anonyHuman933
Anything worthwhile often has some risk involved and that includes friends .... will some disappoint you yes.... while some not stay for long ...yes Trust is earned but if you do not give anyone a chance you will never find out if a person is trustworthy.
but if you do not try you will not find people you can trust.... will not find the people who are long term forever people. guess what when you meet people and interact you can grow more confident and less awkward or at ease... it takes time and patience many people out there are overlooked when they could be the best friend you will have.
idk, I can’t interact with people I always say something wrong and I just seem boring and sometimes they tell me to leave them alone
@anonyHuman933
maybe that is more about them then you.... i do not think in meeting other unless you insult them how could you say something wrong.
Making friends and talking with anyone is easy if you do a few things... compliment something a piece of jewelry / clothing.... ask more question about them most like speaking of themselves use their name often studies show people like hearing own name ..... i know sounds creepy at first but once you get over the start you can relax and have more meaningful conversations.
Sometimes I really want to talk to random strangers and compliment them but I feel like it’s weird, do you think complimenting random strangers is okay? Or it might seem weird?
@anonyHuman933
I believe it's OK, but the response may depend on the bad or good experience or attitude of a particular person you meet.
I tried to compliment some of my colleagues at work - just to tell them how nice it is to work with them:
One of them hearing compliments seemed very confused, suspectful and uncomfortable, so I had to say sorry and stop (switching to some more neutral subjects instead).
But another person replied with a big smile, saying: "Oh, how nice it is to start a day at work with such a positive thing like a compliment!".
People are different, it is a beauty and a curse of humanity, I think 😊
@anonyHuman933 I can relate, I have some online friends nowadays but I'm still way too scared of people irl😨
Yh I’d like to be friends
