The same asking all over: why don't people value me?

Many people struggling with depression and anxiety often feel trapped by the need for acceptance and the other way around. I understand this deeply because I’ve been in that same place—constantly feeling like the leftover friend, judged, invalidated, criticized, rejected, and left behind while desperately trying to build meaningful connections and keep people in my life. That constant effort to be accepted only led to more disappointment, making me feel even more isolated and unworthy.

"Why don't people value my efforts? I did so much for them." Well, people aren't willing to do much or even feel any debts on what you did if they asked, even more if they didn't asked for it. You will be called nice if much, and they will never look back at you. Are you helping and doing for them for free or expecting something in return?

What I’ve learned is that when you focus all your energy on gaining validation from others, they tend to distance themselves, offering excuses or outright rejection. However, when you shift that energy inward—working on your own goals, interests, and personal growth without seeking approval—people seem to naturally gravitate toward you. It’s as if the need for acceptance pushes people away, but self-acceptance quietly draws them in.

I still don’t fully understand why people behave this way, but this pattern was very real for me. What I do know is that turning inward and focusing on myself was what helped me break free from that cycle of rejection. I hope sharing this perspective can help others realize that their worth isn’t tied to external validation and that self-growth often leads to more genuine connections.

"If you need to change yourself first to be loved, they still won't love you after you changed for them."