Simple (maybe not so simple) question

Pre-cursor to the “simple” question:

In my early years (age 5-12) I never really struggled too much with friendship. I never had a lot of friends, but usually stuck to one person with a best friend.

From age 10-22 I had a very best friend. We were so similar and loved each other dearly. As time passed, I came to realize I wasn’t being treated in a way I liked in this friendship. Then came the diagnosis of depression and anxiety followed with therapy.

therapy consisted mostly of me discussing how my family dynamics were and how that contributed to a lot of my feelings of self doubt and lack of self confidence, etc. due to narcissistic parents and emotional abuse. I didn’t realize this was happening to me because it was the norm.

What also became a norm I didn’t realize was my very best friend was treating me the same way. I began to try and stand up for myself to her and explained how she made me feel. This did not work and over time it became too much, I eventually told her that I would have to step away from the friendship if it didn’t stop…. It didn’t.

Long story short, I cut this person from my life for my own mental health and well-being and had limited contact with my parents.

Now in my 30’s I’m able to have civil conversations with family when needed, but have never made any new friends since then. Some close acquaintances, work pals and such, but nothing that stuck. I don’t feel comfortable meeting new people and find it super hard to open up to new people.

So the “simple (not so simple) question” is, how do you make friends in your 30’s? Any tips? I struggle to know how much I should open up and when and when should I message that person? When is appropriate to ask that person to hang out?

Maybe it’s the anxiety talking, but I really struggle to know these things…

I haven’t had many positive relationships in my life so, I don’t really know how to navigate this