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Here is the general situation. Sorry it’s a little long;
Any advice or insight is greatly appreciated.
- my boyfriend who I have been dating now for almost 6 years and we moved to Ontario in 2021 for me to go to university.
- prior to the pandemic, he was no longer working because his job was seasonal as a chef consultant at a restaurant in Newfoundland.
- 2019 - 2021 he was not working.
- I worked and we used my money to get to Ontario which I do not mind since we’re in this together
- when getting to Ontario, we both had a really hard time finding work since it was still the tail end of the pandemic
- I started working at a restaurant here and it was awful, so I then started cleaning peoples homes for cash a couple days a week while in school.
- he went away to work on a gold mine in Ontario for a little while as a cook. But it was absolutely miserable working environment and he ended up getting the gout and having to come home
- in May 2022, we opened a catering company since the situation provided to us allowed us to open with no overhead cost - this was great source of income but not consistent and was hard for me to clean homes, run a business and go to school.
- in November 2022, I started working for an immigration consultancy which is my dream job. This was a part time position
- when I got this job, I stopped cleaning houses for additional income
- after a year and a half of school, I dropped out because I was feeling too overwhelmed with my workload and also because I felt university was not for me and because I needed up getting a good job in the field I was hoping to get into after university
- while my boyfriend and I work well together in this business because we both have over a decade of experience working in it, it was hard for me because a lot of things were left to the last minute;
Such as grocery shopping for events - I would ask my boyfriend if we could do it before the day of the event. He would say yes, but it wouldn’t get done until last minute leaving me feel super anxious. I told my boyfriend about this, he listened, but no action taken to help me not feel this way
- emails are also left to me to complete. I would ask him to help with responding to emails because I answer emails all day at my job at the immigration company and it’s hard for me to do again each day when I get home. He would say yes, he will respond, but then he doesn’t
- he now has not worked since 2019 (except for a few months on the gold mine and with the catering company)
- he spends his days at home on the computer in his pjs
- he does cook supper a lot of the time, but does not clean up after himself
- he does the dishes the day after most times
- however, his sleep schedule is usually very off. Currently, he is awake all night and going to bed around 7am and waking up around 7-8pm, meaning I hardly see him
- I asked this morning if he was able to email the people in the inbox for our business and he said yes… as he said last week too. But it’s not done.
- I explained to him that it’s really hard for me and I really need his help. He gets defensive when I talk like this. I feel really upset and overwhelmed,
- the kitchen we rent for our business is up for sale and several months ago we were told to be out by the end of October, meaning we had to turn down a lot of events. We decided to let people know we will be closing for the winter season and reopen in May and explained why
- this means currently, we are only living off of my part time income which is not enough to cover our bills.
- he says he has been applying for jobs, but I don’t think he has been. He said he has applied to several camp jobs as a cook on seasonal resorts in other parts of Canada and would have to go away for work since there’s not much available in the city we’re living in
- yesterday he said that he doesn’t think he’ll get a job as a seasonal cook and since the place where we rent our kitchen is not yet sold, he wants to try and do some events.
- we have several inquiries in the inbox for the business and I explained to him that I do not have the bandwidth to be able to respond, but if he really wants to do these events then I will help with that but, he will need to reach out…. He has not
I am so stressed and I don’t know what to do. I think he is depressed, but he will not admit that, even when our nurse roommate tells him the same and that he should seek help.
-additionally, I told him like 6 months ago, that since we made the move to Ontario for me for my school and career, that now it’s his time to decide what’s next for us - what does he want to do? I told him I’m ready to make the next move for his growth now, but he has not done anything. I asked if we can make a plan. He doesn’t say much.
However, he hates this city we’re in, but won’t make a plan to move forward
I am ready for our next chapter together and I love him so much. I want a family together and I want him to succeed and be happy.
I know it’s a lot. But please offer some guidance :(
Additionally, I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety and my boyfriend knows this
