Looking for my people irl

Well...i was just reading something randomly on internet and it triggered me to the core...

How do you feel when you have no support system irl...no one to turn to... when you need a shoulder to lean on...you can't have...when you just need a hug...that will make you go through the storms...but you never get that ( never been hugged in life)...and when you don't have anyone who understands you just the way you are... and could relate to what you're going through...no one...

To be honest...I envy people when I see they have support system... genuine friends... and normal relationships with their family and friends.

I never get the happy and healthy, peaceful family...I never had...all I wanted in my whole life

It breaks my heart every day... because I want to have normal relationships with my family...but I can't have...it just can't happen... for many reasons...

Their toxic behaviour, controlling behaviour, painful scolding or emotional abuse... gave me so much trauma for life... unknowingly... unintentionally...

and I am the INFJ so it affected me to the core than to my younger sibling...

But I still love them and care about them...

They do the same...

But at the same time...I don't like them...

I choose to turn to my divine parents...

But deep down...I yearn for a happy, healthy and peaceful family irl...I don't know if I ever get that...or never...

I long for my people who could relate to me...where I came from... what I have been through... and understand, deeply care about me as I will do the same for them.

Life is unfair to me or god!😇