Friends to curse with
Sometimes, all you need to feel better is to have a friend who will curse those who hurt you, not for the sake of cursing, but for the sake of showing empathy, solidarity, and being thoughtful of your pain and hurt.
Two months ago I fought with a friend who laughed when I shared with her a story about when I was deeply hurt by someone I loved. Later, she tried to delegitimize my anger and bitterness, by lecturing me about texting that person to blame him for what he did.
This morning, I met another friend, who cared more about protecting my mental health, leading me through the healing journey, showing me my worthiness and value, and asking me to maintain my respect and dignity by never contacting a person who caused me that much hurt.
Choose your friends guys, those who will fight your wars with you, not against you, those who will prioritize your mental health over being "kind and polite" with harmful people, it makes a huge difference when you are trying to collect yourself and stand on your feet.
@VioletSurvival0 It is true that not everyone is suitable to be your friend, only those who can support you stand by your side and accompany you at all times can be your friend, stay away from people who hurt you, and you have positive energy with people.
@Anonkelvin007
Well said! 😊
*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️
@Anonkelvin007
I will. Part of taking care of ourselves is also to choose the community we surround ourselves with. The hard thing is that while fighting she said to me that I am a hateful person for being angry rather than forgiving, and that I must have been seeking to punish that person, hurt him or take revenge of him when I chose to write him. He is a mutual friend for both of us, but he is my ex boyfriend also, who chose to dumb me and get married to the woman his parents chose for him.
Anyway, she didn't have any right to accuse me with such thing because she didn't know anything about the content of the message I sent, and she had no clue how mixed feelings a message could carry when you are writing to someone that you are hurt with, angry with, but deeply and insanly in love with also. Even if she knew the content of the message, she shouldn't have delegitimized my anger and made me question myself or feel like I am villainous person for merely being a human and feeling hurt and angry by someone's behaviour.
Now, I am worried that If I cut my relation with her completely, she will see that as a proof of me being a hateful person who seeks to punish people rather than forgiving them. I won't lie, she made a deep wound in my heart with her words, because I am someone who doubt herself a lot, and alwayse seeking affirmation and validation from people around me. She knew that. She also knew I was struggling to get over my self doubt and control my overthinking when it comes to my ex's choice, because I started to question my wortheness and value. I had all the time to remind myself that his choice is related to him and his parents only, and it doesn't mean that I wasn't good enough, or that it was about something wrong with me. Yet, she still said what she said and she couldn't understand my point of view :)
@VioletSurvival0
I don't want to curse my parents. They didn't know better.
@Gettingbettertoday
I am so sorry for that. I don't know you enough nor I do know your full story, so I don't know what a good advice may be. But probably you should stop finding excuses for people who hurt you. Even if they didn't know better, you still have all the wright to get angey, frusrtaed, and disappointed; or to even curse the world around you :)
I am sorry if any of my words wasn't related to your story, but I believe all of our stories are a bit similar when it comes to such things. I hope you will keep getting better until the last day of your life :)
@VioletSurvival0
Hi Violet! 😊 ❤️ Thank you so very much for your forum post, as well as, for sharing of yourself here with us! I know that many times it takes a great deal of courage to do so.
First, I'd like to say that I am so very sorry that you were treated this way by the first person you mentioned. It's incredibly saddening to know that someone laughed at your pain. It sounds as if this person didn't validate your feelings, mocked you as well as devalued your thoughts and appraisal of the situation.
There certainly is a vast difference in having "spheres of influence", people that we trust and that know us quite well, that have our best interests at heart, people that are willing to listen to us, to be a sounding board and to provide us with constructive feedback (if needed) in an effort to help us and what it is that you experienced. This doesn't sound like a very good approach to me and in fact, it sounds like a very hurtful one.
If it were me, I would truly question as to whether I should or would be willing to share and open up in the future to someone that behaved in this way. It doesn't seem as if you sharing of your emotions with them ended up being helpful, productive or emotionally rewarding. Again, I'm very sorry you were treated this way.
On a positive note, I'm really glad that you found a different friend to share with. It does sound as if they had your best interest at heart, spent a great deal of time with you and took a much better approach in helping you with your situation. Friend #2 gets *high fives* 😊 from me! Nice job friend #2! 😊
I'm glad that friend #2 reminded you of your worth, validated your feelings and emotions and helped you along in the healing process of being treated deplorably. I'm glad that they reminded you that you are allowed to have boundaries. That you are deserving of dignity and respect and that those that treat us in negative ways, might not be worthy of our time and that perhaps "no contact" should be in order.
In addition, I really love that you brought up the topic of cursing. There is a great deal of truth in what it is that you say in regard to that. Indeed, there is a time and place for everything and there can be times when cursing can actually make someone feel a lot better. 😳 (shocking, I know) 😊
I read about a study done, some time back, in regard to the relationship between cursing and pain management. It was fascinating. One group of test subjects was allowed to curse (asked to) after stubbing their toe and the second group of test subjects was told to not curse after stubbing their toe. Well, the results are in and the first group of test subjects, the ones that were allowed to and were actually encouraged to curse reported significantly less pain, comparatively speaking.
I imagine this translates to emotional pain and frustration or else, we as people, wouldn't engage in it. Must be something to this! lol 😊
Perhaps your friend, using colorful words had a cathartic affect and helped you to live vicariously and feel truly understood. Certain words used can show us the degree to how upset someone is, kind of give us the "flavor" of what is going on and sometimes, in some situations only certain words will do. I chalk this up to what is called "poetic licence".
I think it is good for any of us to understand when someone is simply using certain words to vent, need a bit of space to decompress versus being cursed "at". Big, big difference.
Violet, thank you again for sharing your thoughts, feelings and emotions with all of us today! I'm hoping that my response for you may be helpful in some way. If not, perhaps others will come along and see value in our dialogue.
*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️
Hello @SparkyGizmo !!
Wow, I did not expect for such a generous response from your side!
The way you described how I felt when it comes to the first friend, is extremly accurate. I felt like I didn't have the right to feel or think anything, like she expects me to be living in a world of angels where only peace and serenity and forgivness is allowed.
Oh, you are right, It was a hurtful approach. On that meeting I had a severe panic attack after the things she said to me. I elaborated more about what she said in my reply above to AnnonKelvin007.
I totally agree with you about not opening up to her again. Even if I wanted to, believe me, emotionally I am not capable of doing that anymore, there is a huge wall biult between us now.
Regarding friend 2, actually my post was more about valuing such friends and appreciating them. I felt very light after my meeting with her, like a feather, I felt like someone is holding me to save me from falling into a deep hole of fears and worries that were triggered by my ex's behaviour. Besides that some of my anger was actually released with her just by cursing that dude (We discussed other things also, but this was an important part of that conversation). We didn't wish anything bad to happen to him, but we just had to badmouth him as an anger release technique. Therefore, Friend #2 gets another high five from me too 😝🖐
Regarding cursing, I am not a person who usually curse and I don't like people who curse all the time for any little stupid reason. But just like you, I believe that curses are made for certain situations when being polite and quiet can't really help you to deliver your emotions :)
The reserach you indicated sounds extremly intresting. Huamn beings create fascinating tools to cope with hard situations even when they don't really know why these tricks work! Wow!!
Sparky, many many thanks and hugs to you for being able to give this much in your response, which I am sure tells a lot about how generous and giving you are in you life generally. Sending you love and gratitude. :**
@VioletSurvival0
You are most welcome my sweet friend! 😊 ❤️ The pleasure was all mine. Nothing pleases me more than to know that you feel heard, understood, cared for, validated and on many fronts! These were my intentions. ❤️ I care and your feelings matter!
I gratefully accept your *love, hugs and gratitude*🎁 and sending lots of it right back to you. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey in life. Stay great my friend!
*high fives* 😊 and big *hugs* ❤️
