Friend Groups Trigger Me.

I have developed trauma from being in friend groups because they almost always turn out to be toxic. There is always that one *** that always wants to start *** with me while the rest of their goons either stay quiet or join in and dogpile and bully and harass me further and further. Half of the time, being the only Black girl in the group automatically makes things so much worse to the point where I have developed self-hate for my looks and who I am as a person. I am not the aesthetic baddie/Barbie black girl that you see in the media, so I am automatically outcasted from my community. I have become more and more non-confrontational because a lot of these bullies are relentless and will do everything in their power to further isolate and bully me from the group. I have grown to distrust and despise people more and more. I don't even make excuses for what they have gone through or are currently going through because there is no excuse to use that to make another person's life ***. It has gotten so bad that I won't even open apps like *** anymore because they bring so much emotional pain. Me inserting myself into an online community means opening myself up to the risk of having to relive that trauma over and over again, having people call me slurs, talk about me behind my back, stir up drama, and get me banned from communities all because they don't like me.