Am I good enough?

Hi, I can't help but venting here again.

This would more looks like a diary. Wish I can find a listener but I can't connect to one.

Today I cannot fall asleep again because I am too angry. My head feels dizzy.

I was thinking a lot , it takes a lot of energy to think about them. I just wish someone can be my side.

I have a deskmate, moana that might have mental illness.

She have a very toxic relationship with our another deskmate, it is hurtful to see them. Before her condition becomes worse (I think she is still just like any normal person at that time, I was depressed once and I think I can tell the difference between normal person and depressed person), I talk to her and tell her to not connect with that toxic person, which now our deskmate. But mona just ignored me.

Mona also never cares about me but that probably because she is struggling with herself. I understand it. What really hurtful is she called me fake once, she was kind of joking and she don't understand how much impact that word could give. I understand this also. But I am really sick of her.

Every time I tried to address some problem, she just make her head down and just nodding and never want to have proper conversation with me. I understand it. She was nervous.

But what trouble me is, I feel no one is gonna be on my side. Because mona is depressed so I should forgive her forever. The fact is, she owe me so very much. I just want justice. She pull me into this unpleasant condition and only say sorry once, and that is after I text her say that I am tired. (Seriously, basically no one will reply with any other things other than sorry)

I can't express why I am sick of her so much and hate her so much. Pretty much she never intended to harm me, I think. Maybe I just tired of have to be nice to someone that is one of the cause that makes me feel so painful but she never need to compensate me. I just want justice.

I can't cut off relationship with my deskmate. And it is impossible for me to change my place. This is so frustrating.