Toxic friends affected my whole life
I feel sad that my whole life is been in a cycle of toxic friends and people. It only recently where I finally see the negative people/energy in my life where I feel sad, sick, and just... ashamed. I know it's not my fault but it feels like it is my fault. Like I cursed myself through my own subconscious to not trust people but if I do I will only get hurt. I finally saw after a person I cared about passed away. We used to be friends on *** and we had a issue that will never resolved but as i thought about it more... the lack of communication, I was in a deep state of depression, wanted to branch out as a artist... it when I came to see that I was the only one reaching out, they would tell themselves I'm toxic but now I know that is not the case anymore... I feel stupid, sad, and angry at myself for not being able to stop the cycle of emotional abuse, toxicity, and I allowed myself to be with people like that. I wish it would end but sometimes don't know how
@Vivikun9
It's completely understandable that you're feeling sad, ashamed, and angry after realizing the pattern of toxic relationships in your life. It takes courage to recognize these cycles, and it's not your fault you were in them. It's a painful process to unpack these experiences, especially after a loss, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. Healing takes time, but recognizing the pattern is the first step toward breaking it!
I also was involved in a toxic relationship with my circle of friends, when I spoke they call be too sensitive and immature and I knew this wasn't best for me. I started getting depressed and told my mom about it her advise was to pray about it and cut myself. It took me time to get over this because of the bonding I have had with this person, I would cut myself and go back with my two legs, something in me felt wrong and I knew if I am to cut off I should be firm. In our final yr in university I decided to keep her at arms length, limiting myself but it was really hard I decided to meet new people and talk to them, so that I won't be alone in this journey. I decided not to make friends and work on myself first, choose your friends wisely.
Sometimes I cry when I see her with others because I wanted her to feel the same pain I felt, I hate the fact that she is happy. But I need to let go and discover what I want first.
