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Vivikun9
1 19,351 M Progress Road 8
PathStep 192 Compassion hearts5,489 Forum posts236 Forum upvotes407 Current upvotes407 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceNovember 24, 2022
Bio

Hello, my name is Vivi. I am a artist in the USA. I struggle with mental health and im not here just for support but to learn and understand other people. 

Like in the musical "Into the Woods"

No one is alone

- I struggle at the moment:

-anixty 

-depression

-autism 

-symptoms of PTSD/CPTSD

I draw anime chracters, backgrounds, write (learning) and I love to perform magic tricks. I'm also a witch as well.





Recent forum posts
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This is my truma (tw: emotional abuse, neglect, and possable sexual abuse)
Trauma Support / by Vivikun9
Last post
 November 7th, 2023
...See more Hi everyone. I know I have shared my trauma from last year but I want to share this story to not just share but this for me to be vulnerable about my experience.  So being that I have autism, I grew up with neglect and emotional abuse due to how my thinking worked and how I struggled with communicating. I was a subject of emotional and neglected abuse as when the school thought I had ADHD, they decided that me taking medicine will help. But over the years, the school system neglected me... educational and soical as I did even learn how to write better till college. I still have flashbacks of times when I have these moments where adults... to me felt like just abused me by just... neglecting me... these were adults... and the students were no better... isolating me, gas lighting me, even pretending i didn't exist... I even had a ex friend who was trying to see if he like guys or not... and we did have nsfw stuff but he flat out cut me out after 2 nights of passion. I felt so heavy broken that I felt used... like a toy... it reminded me as I was 10 years old, I feel in love with my first friend bit then he moved away almost like he just left for no reason, then a neighbor teenager (10 or 12 at this point) showed me porn and idk why but I felt as he wanted something... I was not touched but it almost wish I was abused more but I know now that is not good thinking.  Even now as I move from my past and heal my trauma with my inner child. I felt as I was just made for abuse but even if I tell myself "you are worthy of love" it still counters with how words of love don't match with their actions... the only thing I ever wanted was just to love and be loved in return 
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Introduce
Autism Support / by Vivikun9
Last post
 July 18th, 2023
...See more Hi my name is Vivi. I was diagnosed with autism last year around my birthday. I am currently looking at seeing if my local resource center can help me with my autism with services but since im level 1 autism (high functioning) it's hard to say what will be offered to me. But lately, I guess I realize I was never good at communicating socially and interacting with people. Online I can do wonderfully but in real life it's tricky... even now... after the trumas I been through (in threapy handling that) its hard for me to interact with people since idk what to say or do plus... I just struggle to feel the strength I can offer when it feels like no one understands or sees them.
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My Truma Journey: June
Trauma Support / by Vivikun9
Last post
 June 3rd, 2023
...See more It's June (happy Pride month) and my healing on my truma has been going middle ground. Like im healing well and able to regulate my emotions but in my journey of healing... I keep learning how much pain I went through. I been through so much abuse to the point my truma makes it hard to talk about or find a way to be self compassionate towards myself as I been so... self-pity with myself as I keep thinking everything I went through was my fault even though it is not. Besides my theripist, I only a few people know it's not my fault but when it comes to validating my truma has affected me and having someone holding my hand and telling me "you deserve better"... I sometimes wish I have that feeling... of trusting myself and others so I can break my abuse cycle but im so scared saying my abuse outloud or silent to myself.
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Finding Closure
Trauma Support / by Vivikun9
Last post
 May 8th, 2023
...See more Hi everyone, I wanted to ask about closure. Recently my therapist asked me what closure means and when I can have permission to fix some current relationships by contacting my old friends (the ones I chat with sometimes) or letting them go. I mainly wanted to ask as it will be almost a year since my turma happened and I want to find closure to process my emotional state and be happy again. I know it sounds far fetch but to me... I feel at a loss since for the longest time being neglected and people just leaving as I was a kid made me think that people don't need reasons to leave or not care about you... even after my turma some would say "Here are the real friends and fake friends" but I guess maybe I just felt like... is everyone fake or generally care. here on 7cups everyone is caring and I can see that but in real life... I feel like no one showed how to be honest or know how to comfort difficult moments. Opp sorry, I went a little over board. What I wanted to ask is, how does one find closure when feeling stuck and trying to move on but still feel like you cant open up to anyone without fear of getting hurt again?
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Intro
Relationship Stress / by Vivikun9
Last post
 April 17th, 2023
...See more Hello my name is Vivi (they/them) over the past couple of years and months... I had bad experiences with people who I thought were friends both online and offline... I know people come and go but majority of the time they just drop and go away. I know it's more on them then me but to me it feels like I just get a projection of their own issues and I the easy target to hurt... it comes to the point where I hear the song "ill never love again" by Lady Gaga as it feels real to me. Part of me wants to love again not just for others but for myself too. Each day gets harder to love again when it feels like I don't deserve happiness...
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Trying to move past my sex addiction
Addiction Support / by Vivikun9
Last post
 April 4th, 2023
...See more Hi everyone. So I had some struggle with my sex addiction. Like I have stop using my hook up apps but for some reason it was hard for me to do at first. me and theripist have asked me "what internal gratification can I get outside of sex" and I was stumped. Like I used sex as a cover to feel a love of someone or feel connected from past neglect but when I think of the question I feel stumped. Like idk how to find happiness outside of sex. Like drawing and video games that makes me happy... does not help me...or idk how to make it a fun happy time alone... What is this internal gratification that I learning about? Idk how to find it...
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Dreams I can't remember... or they happening?
Depression Support / by Vivikun9
Last post
 January 28th, 2023
...See more So over past couple months... I cant seem to dream or remeber my dreams. Not even nightmares. It just feels like I am feeling depressed as I can't even dream good dreams. Nothing to escape or face. Distract or confused me. Or anyhting... its like I lost connection with myself. Idk if it's depression or something else but I would do anything to dream again.
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