Sole earner for wife with chronic illness
Well, the loneliness and running out of friends has sent me here.
Short version: for over a decade I have been the sole earner for a wife who has a chronic illness (ME). Despite a half-decent income, her lack of income and benefits means we just keep our heads above water but with no money to holiday, do nice things, go out, and make significant home improvements.
In fact, over time the house will fall into disrepair and I will have to work until I die because my wife will receive no pension.
I could cope with that if we had enough time to relax and enjoy each other's company but because of her illness, I actually just spend my days getting up, caring for her, working and cleaning/fixing the house before collapsing again.
I feel these are first-world problems and I shouldn't moan or complain. The tears, anger, non-existent self worth, and exhaustion however are getting too much. I need to share regularly and could do with a shoulder / ear / pair of eyes to chat or communicate with to give me the odd arm around the shoulder as well as the kick up the backside.
Yeah - that's the short version!
Is anyone else in the same boat? Or even on the same sea? Or maybe you're not and you just want me to listen to you and be caring and empathetic as a distraction to my own problems?
@B26354
It is very wearing to feel there is no hope to get out of a merry-go- round....
it is hard to be sole earner for even just a couple and having a partner who is ill or disabled we know they would like that not to be the case either .... as caregiver we need an outlet and time to do something anything else every once in a while to stop any sort of resentment or depression to grow.
as the person receiving care can also have issues feeling like a burden etc. it is a very difficult situation to be in.... it is good to reach out and at the very least let off steam or talk to help with all the feelings that arise.
@toughTiger6481
Thanks Tiger. I know it is worse for Katie than it is for me. The guilt of having a moan or complaining to her is real! If I can't be even half of my best self, it doesn't do either of us any good though which is why I came here. Thanks for reading and taking the time to respond. I'll keep plugging away.
@B26354
It helps to speak up here or in journals etc it helps you get rid of things that would add to not being at your best.
Proud of you for doing the best you can
@B26354 I understand what it's like as I'm in the issues of having chronic illness and being a caregiver myself please feel free to reach out if you need any support
@B26354 if you ever need a listener, I'm here for you
Hey B26354- I understand you completely. I am in your situation with my husband, who has terminal cancer and kidney failure. I can relate to everything you said- and am here if you ever want to chat. Happy to be a sympathetic ear.
Wow, I came to the right thread. I totally understand! My husband became disabled when we were 37. He made more money than me, so our income was cut by more than half. His personality changed and I went from wife to caregiver, and it's so hard, lonely, etc. And that's the very short version. You are not alone, and I totally understand how you feel. I've had counselors tell me that I need to grieve the loss of expectations to relieve my stress and anxiety. I hope you are taking care of yourself too. Are there any resources, or family and friends that can help give you respite care?
I have been dealing with my wife dealing an autoimmune issue for the past 14 years. She has had SSD but I really don’t see any of it.
@B26354 The last part..." becoming distracted from your own troubles. Not to take comfort in anyone else's suffering, but a brief pause from your own.....
This is whats helping me most. Reading. Talking. Listening.
Thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing.
I feel quite the same. I am in the same situation, my husband got hepatitis treatment that was like chemio, then got a liver transplant, and now has depression. We have 2 kids of 2 and 7 and I take care of them.
We have very little money, so our life is quite as yours. Because of his health problems I guess the coming years will be difficult in all ways. I am afraid not to spend quality time with my husbands and kids because I am always busy or exhausted.
I really wish you the best!
@B26354
I'm truly sorry to hear about the immense challenges you've been facing for so long. It's clear that you've been carrying a heavy burden as the sole earner and caregiver, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and emotionally drained.
Caring for a loved one with a chronic illness can be incredibly demanding, both physically and emotionally, and it's okay to feel the weight of those responsibilities. It's important to recognize that your feelings are valid and deserving of support and understanding.
Feeling isolated and alone in your struggles can compound the difficulties you're facing, and reaching out for support is a brave and necessary step toward finding relief and connection. Sharing your experiences and seeking a supportive shoulder to lean on can provide comfort, validation, and a sense of solidarity.
Taking care of your own emotional well-being is essential in order to continue supporting your wife and navigating the challenges ahead.
Sending you all my best wishes.
Oh your not alone my friend. I am burnt out caregiver professional in a longterm care, and my wife has ALS shes at home. God bless her tough stubborn attitude she has definitely beaten the odds. We have to young children. Barely staying a float bud. My wife has pretty much given up now. We are fortune with an awesome support system. It s been a rough go emotionally and mentally the last couple of weeks. Not going to lie.