Not Sure

I remember when my mom was the main care taker for her mom. It was very emotionally draining for her. I remember her venting to me about how her mom wasn't who she remembered her to be. She was very rude sometimes, not appreciative or loving like she had always been. Someone told her that the elderly go back to toddler mentality. You can't take it personally. I know it's hard not to though. You're now doing for your parent what they did for you. It's a tough role reversal.

Try to remember what's going on. They are losing their independence. They are supposed to be caring for you not the other way around. (Even though we know kids end up taking care of their parents) Find a group to talk to. Vent to siblings if you have them. Ask hospice or an assisted living place where you can get help with coping with this and/or suggestions on how to handle your parent in a way that makes them feel better which then makes you feel better.

I hope this helps, even if just a smidgen.

You've got this!!

@placidWater4378, I doubt that this feeling is uncommon, but that doesn't mean it is the way it needs to be. Sometimes, the work might be thankless, and perhaps your elderly person is grumpy, cranky, ungrateful. So you may need to look inside yourself for confidence and a better feeling. Knowing that you are doing the right thing by your elderly parent is something to be proud of. Knowing how to care for them, and set boundaries to protect yourself, is difficult, but not impossible.

Do you have a schedule that works for you, with times for rest and relaxation away from the caregiving? If not, you may need to firmly ask other families to at least step up and give you some breaks. Or perhaps there is a local social services agency, or volunteer agency, that could provides respite caregivers.

Also, are you dealing with the difficulties brought on by dementia? That is a challenge. If you are able to learn to live with the person in their current reality, without arguing or trying to convince them of something, it might go better. Distracting them with music, simple art activities, or a short walk outdoors might help.

I hope any of this helps.

I understand on a very deep level and believe me you are not any of those things you are helping someone you love. But it is hard sometimes when they don’t notice or appreciate it. It feels sometimes like it’s just expected. Please find some time for yourself, it is important.