Aftermath of caregiving...
I cared for my parents for the past couple of years, and I feel that I am still suffering from the aftermath of it all. My mom had stage four cancer, and was with us for a year until she had a stroke and needed hospice. My dad has severe Alzheimer's and was extremely difficult until we had to put him into a personal care home. My mom did not even tell me that she was moving in with me, she just sold her house and showed up at my door. She did not want to spend any of her money to help us (my husband, children, and myself) to care for them, like to hire a housekeeper or home care aid. I was a college student at the time - still am. She did give a very large amount of money to my sister's family, who never did anything to help with the caregiving. This also caused me a lot of problems because I had to get the money back because we still had my dad to take care of after my mom passed away. My two older sisters and one older brother were only concerned about my parent's money and never offered to help. During this same time, my teenaged son became extremely ill, was hospitalized and needed surgery. I was suffering from burn out with all of the caregiving that I was giving by myself - my husband helped when he could, but he had to work. My one sister told me that she "had her own laundry to do". During COVID, we could not get help with my dad. He threatened to strangle me with his belt, and he would threaten my husband and kids, too. I got no help with him until we finally found a personal care home for dementia patients. My siblings have given me a very hard time through the whole thing, and I stopped speaking to them. I still oversee my dad's care at the home, but I have soooo much anger regarding this situation. Does anyone know how to alleviate being so angry in this situation? The anger then turns to sadness/depression, but I am just so over feeling like this!
@braveHouse6710
Hey there! I think 'aftermath' is the best description of what follows a situation like you described. It can be difficult to sort out and deal with all of the thoughts and emotions that are left over after so much that happened. I have some personal experience from caring for my mother after her stroke but I didn't experience all of the issues that you have had to face.
I think the details of what you experienced are important in sorting your feelings out (such as your mother just showing up at your door without discussing the situation with you; such as your siblings lack of support both emotionally and financially; and the changes that have happened due to your dad's condition).
For some people, having a counselor to help them sort out their feelings works for them. For others, having a close friend that they trust, and who listens, can help. For me personally, writing was my outlet. I used a regular spiral notebook and would break down each thing that bothered me about the whole situation on a separate page. So mine would look like "Mom showing up at my door" and then I would write out everything that I was feeling about that. No holding back, just getting it all out. Then the next page would be "Sister says she has no time to help" and I would write everything that I wish I would have said to her (but didn't) and how she made me feel. I would continue to write in that notebook until I wrote out everything that I felt that I had to get off my chest (this took some time to happen). I would later be able to go back and look for the key emotions that I needed to work through. So yes, there was anger but there was also disappointment in others, frustration, sadness, etc. Once I knew exactly what I was feeling, I was able to find resources on how to deal with those feelings and heal from them.
I hope that you are able to find a way that works best for you to alleviate your anger and heal. You are welcome to post here, if that helps, and I'm sure that you will find others who can relate and connect to how you are feeling.
Take care until we talk again 💜
~ Sher
Thank you! I often thought about journaling, but with all of the craziness I never knew where to begin.....that is a great suggestion to break it down like that! I have been very seriously considering counseling, too, so another good option. My close friends have been great about listening, but they have been going through some tough times as well and I feel like at this point I should seek other ways of resolving this. Thanks again!