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braveHouse6710
138 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2022 Member sinceMarch 24, 2022
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Upset with caregivers
Family & Caregivers / by braveHouse6710
Last post
 April 25th, 2022
...See more Well, after being my elderly parent's caregiver, and taking care of everything for them 100 percent (I left another post on here to state how terrible this ordeal was), I think my oldest sister is being a huge trouble maker by telling the office lady at my dad's personal care home that I never told her what was going on with my dad when his health would decline. This is a complete lie, but now the office lady always brings this up to me. None of my siblings were even around ever for my dad. He recently passed away, and I am completely heartbroken. The hospice workers kept saying things to me....like my siblings didn't know my dad was on his deathbed when they absolutely did know!! They chose not to visit him!! The hospice "counselor" called me today, and questioned me about if I was going to give my dad a memorial (he donated his body to science). I think that these workers are being way out of line, and I have no idea what my sister is saying to them. She was problematic before all of this, I think she may even have a personality disorder. She was adopted and has caused problems in my family for years. These workers don't know the history, but I can't believe that they are being professional! After today, I no longer have to talk to them, but it is all just so upsetting to me. I wish I were an only child!!
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Marriage problems
Relationship Stress / by braveHouse6710
Last post
 April 16th, 2022
...See more Hi all, after 27 years of marriage I am still struggling to forgive my husband of a fling he had 20 years ago. My older son is ADHD, so I had committed to homeschooling him. I was pregnant the whole time my husband had this fling with someone else. Yes, he was with her the whole time I was pregnant. Also, we planned to have our second child. I knew my kids needed me, and I really had no where to go. My husband wanted to stay together, and the only reason that I did was for my children's sake. I have hated him off and on throughout our whole marriage. About six years ago, he was texting with one of his female coworkers on a weekend, instead of talking to me while I was right there. It was flirty and non work related. When I told him it was wrong, especially since he was her boss, he exploded. We had a huge fight. We have been through so much together, but I think it is so weird the hot/cold feelings that I have for him. I have also noticed that anytime in my life I am really dependent on him, like recently when I had to take care of my parents, I feel very close to him. When I gain independence, he gets very nasty with me over nothing. I think the only way for us to have a good marriage is to go to therapy, but I know he won't do that. I know we both brought some baggage into our marriages from how we were raised, and I know this contributes to his behavior. I have never been disloyal, but he used to accuse me of that. He is so secretive of his stuff, but he wants to always see who I'm talking to. I just want peace in my life at this point, as an older person.
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Aftermath of caregiving...
Family & Caregivers / by braveHouse6710
Last post
 March 25th, 2022
...See more I cared for my parents for the past couple of years, and I feel that I am still suffering from the aftermath of it all. My mom had stage four cancer, and was with us for a year until she had a stroke and needed hospice. My dad has severe Alzheimer's and was extremely difficult until we had to put him into a personal care home. My mom did not even tell me that she was moving in with me, she just sold her house and showed up at my door. She did not want to spend any of her money to help us (my husband, children, and myself) to care for them, like to hire a housekeeper or home care aid. I was a college student at the time - still am. She did give a very large amount of money to my sister's family, who never did anything to help with the caregiving. This also caused me a lot of problems because I had to get the money back because we still had my dad to take care of after my mom passed away. My two older sisters and one older brother were only concerned about my parent's money and never offered to help. During this same time, my teenaged son became extremely ill, was hospitalized and needed surgery. I was suffering from burn out with all of the caregiving that I was giving by myself - my husband helped when he could, but he had to work. My one sister told me that she "had her own laundry to do". During COVID, we could not get help with my dad. He threatened to strangle me with his belt, and he would threaten my husband and kids, too. I got no help with him until we finally found a personal care home for dementia patients. My siblings have given me a very hard time through the whole thing, and I stopped speaking to them. I still oversee my dad's care at the home, but I have soooo much anger regarding this situation. Does anyone know how to alleviate being so angry in this situation? The anger then turns to sadness/depression, but I am just so over feeling like this!
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