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Family & Caregivers Community Taglist
by Sher217
Last post
 December 20th, 2022
...See more The Family & Caregivers Taglist has been moved!  Just wanted to let everyone know that our taglist has a new 'home' beginning in 2022. This thread controls an auto-updating taglist. To see the current list, go to Family & Caregivers Community Taglist [https://rarelycharlie.github.io/taglist?5e3f5e73a75214ab42c6ab21499775c0]. To add yourself to this taglist, press the Post to Thread button above and write the exact words: Please add me To remove yourself from this taglist, press the Post to Thread button above and write the exact words: Please remove me Please Note: the previous Taglist of active members is being moved into it's new location. current taglist updated 20Dec 2022 @addyor7 @adventurousPeach7700 @agreeableBlueberry7426 @AlexVincent @almarben2021 @amiableRaspberries644 @Avaray @benkimoo @bestRaspberries1517 @blue0moon @breeuniqemsns @CallunaDee @caringEyes817 @caringPink6587 @CautiousKitten4644 @ClearingBaggage22 @competentParadise6344 @Crankenstein @cyanVase4996 @Daemon85 @dancingIvory @diligentPlace1585 @discreetThinker5846 @DistortionHeart @dtanushree @dynamicPond275 @easyMango9861 @easyZebra1721 @EvelyneRose @fairmindedWisteria3450 @FluffyHamster666 @forcefulFriend4768 @freshOasis7877 @friendlySkies6250 @FrozenRob0t @gentleLove4111 @giraffe2011 @GloriaD @Goddessenergy8 @GoldenNest2727 @goodPapaya8943 @greenDrum7364 @hardworkingKite6195 @hardworkingStrawberries4640 @HempHealer @independentPrune479 @inventiveTurtle5247 @katerina214 @Kickan75 @kindCloud141 @Kjalen97 @lavenderBranch7351 @lilrezvert @Limegreen642 @LISTENER1610 @littleteddy06 @LovetoGod @lovingFlower72 @LovinHope @loyalShade3261 @Lu5566 @Margiewm @marvelloustree1111 @melloohi @miraculousPresence1609 @MissEG1988 @MoonChild1206 @Moonlemon48 @MrMarino @MsVee2021 @munchiegoosie @MusicalMelodyxX @mxmes @MySty2 @neonNest6685 @npetler24 @Onlyonefollower @peacefulPlum1025 @powerfulEast1407 @pramsay57 @quietChestnut6900 @Ramiluz1 @scarletPear1945 @selfconfidentWalker138 @sevtopaloglu @Sher217 @SherryTong @ShyCat1678201 @shymap84001 @Smokescrunch @SoarLikeAnEagle @softMusic9759 @spencer1234567 @Sraphoenix @strangermj12 @StressedTFOut0914 @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @tallFriend9158 @Taylorz27 @Tinylemon1 @toughCurrent7546 @TraumaOne @TruckKnitter @turkeybby @unassumingDog4740 @versatileSky19 @VioletPerson1783 @warmheartedSailboat2021 @WillGood @Wisesupports @WorriedNana @yellowSquare6431 @YourNeighbourhoodsuperhero ~ Sher
Caretaker Burn Out
by Patriot
Last post
 Monday
...See more I'm just so spent.  My husband and I have been taking care of my 90 year old mother for the past 4 years.  We've not had a vacation or a weekend away for 4 years. My husband is retired and I still work, so he takes care of Mom during the day and I take over when I get home from work and on the weekends.   Prior to my mom's illness (osteoarthritis-unable to move around unassisted but can still walk) we were very close. We enjoyed each other's company and had fun together. Since she became ill, I've seen a very different side to her. She's overly dramatic with her symptoms, demanding, unreasonable and mean.  She was tested for dementia and the results were she just has age related memory issues but not dementia. It's her attitude that has gotten me so down. She used to be fun, we (my husband and I) loved taking her places, taking her on trips with us, dinners etc... But now she is a bitter, ugly old woman who finds fault with all we do for her. If I clean her bathroom, she'll point out small specks I may have missed, we buy her good quality food, she won't eat it (we've wasted so much money on food for her that she says she likes, then won't eat), complains she wants socks, when we buy her socks she finds fault and won't wear them, the same with shoes & slippers. The list goes on and on.  Both my husband and I are just mentally exhausted. We have no help (can't afford Visiting Angels and we have no family nearby). We can't go anywhere to get away from her.  The only time we get a break is when she is sleeping.   I'm tired all the time, depressed, no motivation and feel hopeless.  My husband, while being a great support, feels the same. No energy, no motivation to do anything. We both feel like we're being held hostage by an ungrateful shrew who is determined to make us feel as miserable as she is and she is succeeding.  She cannot afford to go into a nursing home and my husband is old school and feels since we're her only family (both my brothers have passed in the last 10 years and my father passed 22 years ago) we need to keep her at home as long as we can.  Her doctors are not much help. They just want to put her on antidepressants (she refuses to take them).  Aside from that, they just take her temp, do her labs and send her out the door until next year.  I just needed to vent.  I never anticipated this happening to a woman who was so full of life and had such a great outlook. I also never anticipated how miserable and defeated I would end up feeling at this stage in my life. I see no hope for the future. 
Appreciating Caregivers
by Hope
Last post
 September 26th
...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are well. Being a caregiver can be quite an underappreciated role. Sometimes there is no income, other times it pays less, but regardless of what kind of role you are in, caregiving can feel like a thankless job. If you are a caregiver or have worked with one. What do you think is the best way to acknowledge and apprciate the efforts of a caregiver?
Bipolar spouse
by ambitiousNectarine1515
Last post
 August 30th
...See more My husband is bipolar im trying desperately to find someone in the same position to talk to
Sole earner for wife with chronic illness
by B26354
Last post
 May 28th
...See more Well, the loneliness and running out of friends has sent me here. Short version: for over a decade I have been the sole earner for a wife who has a chronic illness (ME). Despite a half-decent income, her lack of income and benefits means we just keep our heads above water but with no money to holiday, do nice things, go out, and make significant home improvements. In fact, over time the house will fall into disrepair and I will have to work until I die because my wife will receive no pension.  I could cope with that if we had enough time to relax and enjoy each other's company but because of her illness, I actually just spend my days getting up, caring for her, working and cleaning/fixing the house before collapsing again. I feel these are first-world problems and I shouldn't moan or complain. The tears, anger, non-existent self worth, and exhaustion however are getting too much. I need to share regularly and could do with a shoulder / ear / pair of eyes to chat or communicate with to give me the odd arm around the shoulder as well as the kick up the backside. Yeah - that's the short version!  Is anyone else in the same boat? Or even on the same sea? Or maybe you're not and you just want me to listen to you and be caring and empathetic as a distraction to my own problems?
Caregiver for Mom and brother
by inventiveNectarine4087
Last post
 April 24th
...See more I just wanted to share my story. I'm 20 and my mom has been living with multiple sclerosis for 12 years. It's been deteriorating gradually and she needs me here as a full time caregiver. It's random, some days she's fine others she can't get out of bed without help. My dad is very authoritarian and has all but mandated me to be her caregiver. We have looked at assisted living options and we cannot afford them near here. The state one is hundreds of miles away. Plus she doesn't always need it yet. So I feel like I have to assume this role.  As if that wasn't enough, my brother has severe autism and needs his own type of care and supervision which my mom and I share.  I just feel alone and stressed out a lot. My dad works away from home most of week. So each week is this cycle of worrying about him coming home, making sure there's nothing he's going to go off on me about, acting perfect when he's here, and relaxing as soon as he leaves. I've been making progress on not self harming or skipping meals. But I just struggle with managing emotions.  That's all I just wanted to get it off my chest. Thank you 
Balancing Caregiving and the Holiday season
by Hope
Last post
 December 20th, 2023
...See more Hi everyone! The holiday season can be a mixed one to start with, some like, some dislike it but most find some joy, some stress in it.  For caregivers, it can also be a stressful juggling act. Balancing caregiving duties with holiday traditions can feel overwhelming, leaving you drained and burnt out Here are some tips to navigate the festive season with grace and self-care: * Prioritize meaningful moments with your loved ones and delegate or simplify tasks wherever possible. Remember, the most important gift you can give is your presence, not perfect meals. * Discuss your limitations and expectations with your family and loved ones. Enlist their help in decorating, cooking, or running errands. They want to support you, but they can't read your mind! * Explore festive virtual events or create new traditions that cater to your loved one's needs and your energy levels. * Schedule breaks for yourself, even if it's just a quick walk around the block or a solo cup of tea. Respite is essential to avoid burnout and recharge your caregiving batteries. * Don't be afraid to delegate tasks or ask for help. Whether it's hiring a grocery delivery service or getting a friend to wrap presents, accepting support frees up your time and energy for what truly matters. Remember, the holidays are for everyone, including caregivers! By prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, and embracing the joy, you can create a festive season that's filled with love, laughter, and happy memories for you and your loved ones. How do you navigate caregiving during the holiday season?
Elderly Parent
by Lifer
Last post
 December 16th, 2023
...See more I have been supporting my mom for the past 4 years. My brother wanted her put in a home or assisted living facility. She wanted to stay in her house. I did whatever I could to help her achieve that. But now she's in need of more support. She talks about dying all of the time. She's so depressed and bored and lonely. Unfortunately my brother can't handle the stress so he doesn't support her. I love 1000 miles away and do all that I can to support her. I think it's time she move closer to me. She thinks it's time but she doesn't want to. It's *** trying to understand what she wants and then trying to support her desires. I want to travel and live my life. I don't want to be burdened by her yet I want her safe and happy. All she wants is to stay in her house but be closer to me. (Impossible!)
Ageing parents & guilt
by anonuser2023
Last post
 October 12th, 2023
...See more I feel like an absolutely terrible person for saying what I'm going to say, but I know this is a safe space where we can be honest... Without going into all the details, my family raised me the way they thought best and provided for my physical needs, however, they have never been emotionally available or supportive. As an adult, there was a time when they abandoned me completely for a few years over a disagreement about beliefs, and they have not been there during the most challenging times in my life. We get along on the surface now and play nice, but as my parents age it feels like any time I visit I'm just there to do things for them. They're dealing with difficult issues themselves, and I have zero interest or energy in being there for them because it will be one-sided and draining. At this point, all the help I give is out of guilt. It is so hard to know where to draw my boundaries with them because I feel like I want to make them extreme and minimise my contact with them. Can anyone relate?
Caring for an aging toxic parent
by TheDreamer
Last post
 October 1st, 2023
...See more Providing care for an aging parent can be difficult under the best circumstances.Providing care for my mother is unimaginably horrible. The toxic ways of my family that I ran from by moving out as soon as I turned 18 are worse and leaving is more complicated. One of the more difficult problems is, dad left a significant amount of money for mom when he died. I sat in on a meeting mom had with dads financial guy and the way it was set up, she could have lived comfortably until well into her 90's without needing to touch the principal amount. The way he explained it and the numbers that were in the accounts she could maintain the lifestyle her and dad had when they were both generating income but she could retire so would not need to work. It all sounded good but my youngest sister and eventually her oldest daughter managed to talk mom out of a lot of cash and now she's broke. It's bad enough that she is broke but she denies that she gave anything to them and says it's nobody business what she does with her money. While a drunk and her teen flew around the county on moms dime, the other three of us are physically here helping mom with whatever she needs and couldn't get paid if we wanted to. Little sister stopped visiting when the money ran dry and has never helped out in any way. I'm about at my wits end and the only reason I stick around is because she would sell the house and give the last of her assets to little sis. Mom recently had hip surgery so has been away for a couple of weeks at a care facility. While there, my little sister decided to visit mom. Mom was all excited and happy that she visited and she paid her for it. She didn't want the rest of us to know but we know and are angry. All she has to live on is her retirement check for 1500 monthly. There is no extra money for anything. There are things that need to be repaired on the farm and I do the work for free but ask that she buy the materials. I talked to someone at the state level asking if anything my sister or her kid have done could be considered elder abuse. She put me in contact with a dim witted county social worker who told me this just looks like a mother helped out one of her children and the other three are jealous. It is not a small amount of money we are talking about. It's more like hundreds of thousands. I'm not worried about not getting anything when mom dies. I'm angry because I can't so much as ask for a few buck to buy some lumber and fix her stuff. No compensation, not much for thanks. Just too broken to walk away and let mom sit in the mess she made alone. My two older sisters seem to be doing better then me. That may be because they both drink daily. The oldest one lives a few miles away so isn't around for the day to day stuff but will come running if we need her. I am a complete train wreck at this point. I had hoped to heal the wounds of the past because dad and I had some unresolved crap I wish we could have cleared up before he died. Shortly before his death he explained how much of a disappointment I was to him and he wished he could have taught me more as a kid. His teaching style was telling me how to do something once then yelling at me for doing it wrong and redoing what i did. He wanted me to be like him but I wanted to be around for my kids. Sure dad was a better worker than me but I am a much better father and if I died today, my kids would know I loved them and were proud of them. I might have had a question when I stated this post but it pretty much turned into a venting session. Rather than any specific questions maybe anyone who has advise for dealing with this and surviving this with a little bit of sanity, I would greatly appreciate it.
My dad is dying of cancer
by bluedave
Last post
 September 23rd, 2023
...See more I don’t feel anything. I’m numb
One characteristic a caregiver must have is…
by Hope
Last post
 August 31st, 2023
...See more Hi everyone! Caregivers are the unsung heroes of our society. Whether it is caregiving for your family or undertaking it as a job, it requires incredible dedication. As per your experience/observation, what is a must-have characteristic for caregivers?
One thing people don’t appreciate about caregiving is…
by Hope
Last post
 July 20th, 2023
...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are doing well. Caregiving is one of the most challenging roles one can part take in. Whether that is in a family setting where you are raising a family or caring for someone unwell etc Caregivers often are underappreciated and their incredible role at times is ignored. If you have experienced being a caregiver or have received such care, what thing do people not appreciate about caregiving?

Family & Caregivers

Welcome to Family & Caregivers! This is a supportive space to share your thoughts and experiences.

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other,”  Richard Bach.


What are the different forum topics for Family & Caregivers?

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