Too Close for Comfort
I love my family I really do but after 30 years it is no longer 2 parents and 6 crazy kids in the house now. We are all adults now making adult choices and adult mistakes. In hopes to find that balance and stick to it. Its no easy now. Jobs change, moving comes into question and your parents turn to you for help. Life goes on. Yet if you are constantly listening to talks about moving, to the constant requests from stressed out patents, with your next closest sibling trying to start her own life with no form of income. You are the only one who is working, the only one who is balanced, the only one who is not voicing their stress. You keep it all bottled up because if you go the whole family goes. You are the only one that can hold it together because mom sprained her, dad is starting a new job, your sister is about to start school and go back to work, you hope. You got to be the easy and stable one, that is your role. Who cares if you don’t like your job anymore or that you are worried about being a graduate student or that their worries become your own because you live with them. Who cares that you are stressing every night, that the stuff you bury resurfaces like a zombie to haunt your mind. In the morning you feel sick as you getting ready to work. The awkward silence that fills this space mixed with the stressed comments about what everyone needs to do today. You just sit there and drink your coffee thinking this is all just too close for comfort. Your parents stress is not your stress. Your sisters stress is not your stress. Are they stressed around you, yes. However, your stress is that you can’t always help even though you want to. You have your own limits. You have your own list of things you need to get done. You can’t be everyones rock forever. You eventually want to move out, have a career, and more. You want that peaceful life.
@Wolfgirl23 That certainly sounds like a lot of pressure to carry upon your shoulders. I think that what you said at the end of the post is real, and important. Adults can become responsible for their own stress, but when the pattern (the habits) are there, nothing changes. There are loving and respectful ways to remain a supportive person to your family while moving ahead and reaching your goals.
Recently, my sister asked me how I am able to handle it. I told her “Well, 30 years of living home with mom and dad knowing they consider all the plans from A to Z and knowing that worrying about them is not going to solve my issue in the long run. I found that focusing on what I need to do for me helps a lot because I am taking care of myself which allows me to be useful in other areas.”
That makes a lot of sense to me! Your sister sounds like one smart cookie!