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Wolfgirl23
3,244 M Seeking Light
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts516 Forum posts25 Forum upvotes69 Current upvotes69 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2023 Member sinceJanuary 10, 2023
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Too Close for Comfort
Family & Caregivers / by Wolfgirl23
Last post
 September 28th, 2023
...See more I love my family I really do but after 30 years it is no longer 2 parents and 6 crazy kids in the house now. We are all adults now making adult choices and adult mistakes. In hopes to find that balance and stick to it. Its no easy now. Jobs change, moving comes into question and your parents turn to you for help. Life goes on. Yet if you are constantly listening to talks about moving, to the constant requests from stressed out patents, with your next closest sibling trying to start her own life with no form of income. You are the only one who is working, the only one who is balanced, the only one who is not voicing their stress. You keep it all bottled up because if you go the whole family goes. You are the only one that can hold it together because mom sprained her, dad is starting a new job, your sister is about to start school and go back to work, you hope. You got to be the easy and stable one, that is your role. Who cares if you don’t like your job anymore or that you are worried about being a graduate student or that their worries become your own because you live with them. Who cares that you are stressing every night, that the stuff you bury resurfaces like a zombie to haunt your mind. In the morning you feel sick as you getting ready to work. The awkward silence that fills this space mixed with the stressed comments about what everyone needs to do today. You just sit there and drink your coffee thinking this is all just too close for comfort. Your parents stress is not your stress. Your sisters stress is not your stress. Are they stressed around you, yes. However, your stress is that you can’t always help even though you want to. You have your own limits. You have your own list of things you need to get done. You can’t be everyones rock forever. You eventually want to move out, have a career, and more. You want that peaceful life.
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Adulthood
Motivation & Accountability / by Wolfgirl23
Last post
 August 20th, 2023
...See more I am learning that adulthood requires the courage to not only acknowledge the choices you make. The choices you make will welcome both positive and negative feed back. However, it does not mean that your choice is wrong, it means you have a difference in oppinion. You can make the right choice for you and make a mistake for someone else. It will bug you because it is your choice as an adult that others will question. You will second guess yourself, worry, get annoyed and keep the strong front behind a smile. Here is the morivation to trust yourself. Instesd of second guessing, challenge it. If they say it is a mistake - prove them wrong. If they say you can’t - do it. If they push - push back. You are allowed to be right sometimes. You are allowed to try your way first. Just remember those who love you may phrase things things poorly causing misscomunication.
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Limbo
Motivation & Accountability / by Wolfgirl23
Last post
 July 7th, 2023
...See more I never knew how much weight I carried with the words “You can do anything you put your mind too” until now. My mom always tells me this and my parents believe in me so hard telling me that everything I do is a massive feat because I have cerebral palsy. Its a minor case but I have to fight constantly for the wins. Those wins feel amazing don’t get me wrong, but the failures fuel me more. I don’t know how to give up, I do know how to buy time and wait. However, the weight of ‘anything’ gets to me. I am currently in a state of limbo after having graduated college with a BA in English. I still work part-time for a job that only pays me $12 an hour and live with my parents plus my sister. My dad’s job is going under and he is cureently job hinting, my sister is recovering slowly from coming out of a psychotic break, and my mom is trying to be the strong one. Mom and Dad also started pushy on my limbo. The weight of ‘anything’ comes to haunt me. There are so many options, but what is the right door? Which door do I open? Which one do I chase? I want more than one thing. I haven’t told my parents that I plan to reapply to graduate school or even save up for it. I want to travel, I want to see the world and get lost in it more than setting roots down someplace. I don’t know how, but my first step begins this August. I’m reapplying to graduate school, I’m going to England, I’m going to finish my book that I am writing, and I going to start looking into how to start up my own buisness.
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My heart feels like its breaking
Family & Caregivers / by Wolfgirl23
Last post
 March 4th, 2023
...See more My heart feels like its breaking inside of my chest everytime I interact with my sister. The pain hurts so much because I can’t be her sister right now because she is not my sister right now. She suffers from bipolar - borderline personality disorder and autism. She rejects her medication and is andult. Therefore she is in full mania, dellussions, and more. I can’t keep playing along with her because I am emotionally shot and traumatized. We finally got her home and its triggering my fear really bad. Shes not physically dangerous but emotionally traumatizing.
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Folklore, Medieval, Games, Books
Hobby Zone / by Wolfgirl23
Last post
 January 13th, 2023
...See more I love studying folklore and hoping to get my masters in it one day. I enjoy going to the ren fair and watching medieval themed shows with my dad. I play various games aith my friends because at the end of the day they make me laugh and smile. I also enjoy anime, cooking, and reading. I am also writing a book.
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When your older sister has mental health issues
Family & Caregivers / by Wolfgirl23
Last post
 January 17th, 2023
...See more Its honestly hard to listen to my sister right now. She is in full mania mode with dellusions and gets worse at night. I at one point had to block her because she is very intellegent and knows how to pull at the heart strings. My sister is bipolar and has borderline personality disorder with the addition of autism. Its not her fault for being a mess, but she went off her meds after being diagnosed with Autism. She is also 31 and believes she is leigion of many things and that she is fine despite asking for help, lying, needing money, no place to stay but her car, and going from calm phone call to a manic one in one breath. My sister also targets my mom a lot hence why I am scared to have her back home because my tollerance for her mental health lasted 29 years until it finally broke. I can’t stay silent anymore and just listen as my mom is being torn to shreds by her. Its hard enough listening her trying to fix what us not broken. I deeply love my sister that it physically hurts when I hear her over the phone. I know I can’t flee from it anymore. I don’t want the fight either but the ither option is to freeze which isn’t good either. This whole thing has caused my other sister to stress clean, my mom to have phone ptsd and lack of apetite, I don’t know about my dad, me and my brother are frustrated,, I’m making sure mom is eating and that I try to be understanding. Though I feel like my sister lost sight of us. I want her to come home, but I am afraid forvher to come home.
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My sister has borderline personality disorder
Personality Disorders Support / by Wolfgirl23
Last post
 January 15th, 2023
...See more I didn’t know what it was at first. I just saw her bipolar disorder at first where she would be sweet one breathe then turn mean in the next. She desperately tries to be an independant person not wanting anyone to worry about her, when we do. She doesn’t understand the concept of family and she doesn’t see the good, only the bad. I know she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder but I didn’t know what that meant. It wasn’t until after looking into it, I realized this is why she attacked our parents verbally. Why she felt neglected. Why she feels things more strongly than others. Why her movie does not match up with everyone elses. Why she shreds our mom in viscous verbal attack in a fit of anger and how she falls to pieces devistated. I still don’t get the fully understand it, which is why I am here.
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My Sister is Bipolar among other things
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by Wolfgirl23
Last post
 January 12th, 2023
...See more My older sister who is an adult now decided to go off her medication because it was holding back her creativity. However, this choice caused her to spiral into deep mania when she decided to leave home and be a free spirit living out of her car all the way in New Hampshere. In full mania, she becomes dellussional. She is currently in mania but I can’t do anything, nor can my parents because she is an adult with a lot of mental health problems including border line personality disorder and being autistic. She is 31 years old and Wants none of us to worry about her saying she wants to be an adult, but all we are seeing is her acting like a little kid. My sister does not even comprehend the concept of family because she has a twisted movie in her head that we were neglected as a children. The constant switch of emotions is up and down, in and out with her. One breath she is all calm, sweet, and loving then she is the venomous, angry, skittish cat swiping and hissing you. The border line personality disorder does not help. It increases the emotions to where she attacks the closest person to her which is mom. She literally shreds mom apart with her words then cries cuddling up to her the next.
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