Stuck between parents

Trigger warning : sensitive topics

I learned about mental health, care and improvement not so long ago, and it was a breath of fresh air for someone who was always told to stock my feelings and invalidante them with " it's not that deep"and gaslighting. I currently struggle with procrastination and feel so lost... I just feel like I have nowhere to go, because both my parents are toxic and narcissistic. But in a different way. While my mom yells and hit us all the time, my dad instead always plays the victim, yells and say insults when other people are not here, is "the greatest father" in front of others. I'm stuck between two houses, one where my mom don't want me to go anymore because of how I " went crazy" , another one where my dad lowkey tells his family I'm not supposed to be here. All of this, while my relationship with my little sister just gets worse because I feel guilty for not telling her things she has to know, I feel so vulnerable! All I want is somebody to help me and hear me. I did have a therapist when my dad tried to que my mom for child abuse, then when she wanted to meet them both, he started getting angry and putting his anger on me. My grandma ( who used to always support me) agreed with him, saying a man, wouldn't have to deal with children. He also said some terrible stuff to me. This is too much. Like, how is this normal? So what if some children live through war? Don't I have the right to live a healthy life, with respectful people? I went through years of depression, it all was getting better, and know this?