I wish I had a daddy.

I'm a 16 year old girl, and I've never had a father figure in my life. I've had male teachers in school over the years, but I've never gotten close to them. I also have a grandfather, but because he and my grandma live far away, we've never had that strong of a connection.

I appreciate my mom a lot. She does a lot to provide for our family, but every now and then it just hurts really badly inside, knowing I'm going to be an adult soon and I never got to have a superman. My mom does her best, but she really can't control her emotional outbursts. She's constantly screaming, crying, etc., and I'm always the one tending to her emotional needs. I constantly feel like I have to be the one to take care of the people around me. My mother very rarely hugs me, or tells me she loves me. She only tells me that she loves me when she's drunk.

I just wish I had a daddy who I could run to and hug, who can protect me from the cruel world even if it's just for a few minutes. Who I can be silly with and laugh with, tease, joke around with, etc. Someone I can cuddle with, someone who makes sure the guys I'm wanting to date are good for me, someone who is able to buy me things that are meaningful (like a necklace with a photo of us two together inside the locket), etc. Anytime I see other girls with good father relationships I just feel so, so jealous. I want what they have so badly. They don't realize how lucky they are.

Also, I know that just because someone has a father, it doesn't mean they are a good father. That's not what I'm talking about right now. I want a daddy, not just some man that portrays the same explosive behaviors as my mom, if not worse. I want someone I can lean on, and be a little girl with, but I will never get that and I have to accept that reality. If reincarnation is real, I just hope I get put into a life where I have a healthy father.

It's like missing someone I've never met.