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Should I reach out to my dad?

Family & Caregivers / by Emberlin111

September 26th, 2024

...See more Trigger warning: potential domestic abuse So for some background information, I'm currently a 17 year old girl, and I never got to grow up with a father in my life. My dad went to prison when I was still a baby. 3 years ago, my father was released from prison. My mom had told me that it was scary being with him because he was always doing drugs, and she didn't know if he was going to hurt her. I'm guessing he hit her a couple times, but I'm not 100% on this, and I don't think it's my place to ask my mom that kind of question. Anyway, the stuff I am absolutely certain on is that he went to prison mainly for constantly stealing expensive things (from jewelry to cars), and resisting police officers when caught. After he was released from prison, he reached out to me on ***. However, I was mainly angry with him. I said a bunch of hurtful things, when all he was trying to tell me is that he loves me. I don't know. I'm getting emotional writing this. I blocked him after that interaction and haven't spoken to him ever since. Today, I saw that 10 weeks ago he sent me a new *** request. I just don't know what to do. I want to accept it, because I want my dad. I never got a dad and I want to feel what it's like even if just for a little bit to have fatherly love. My mom is very, very emotionally distant which makes me want to reach out to him more, because I crave some sort of love from a parent. I'm just afraid of him still being a bad person, and getting hurt somehow. Not only that, but I'm afraid on if my mom finds out I'm trying to talk to him. She would be really upset with me, because in her eyes, I can understand why she wouldn't want her daughter to be even remotely siding with the man who hurt her most. I would appreciate any advice or just some support... 💔

I'm a 16yo girl, but I'm also a lot more.

Women's Issues / by Emberlin111

February 21st, 2024

...See more I'm not sure where else to put this so I'm putting it here. I'm 16, gonna be 17 in a couple months, and I never understood the whole motherhood thing. I've had multiple people in my life, from my grandma, teachers, and even strangers tell me that I'm somehow wrong for not wanting children when I get older. I've just never had that desire, and I'm certain I never will. Growing up, I was always annoyed when I was watching shows or movies and I had to watch scenes about babies/little kids. Also, I've taken care of living things before, from having to babysit some of my mom's friend's children, to watching my dog whose a puppy, and I've never gotten that moment of just pure caretaking desire. I just do it because I have to. Sure they can be cute, but I'd much prefer doing other things that actually fulfill me. For a couple years now I've been really interested in entrepreneurship and public speaking. I'm on an early graduation plan, and I consider myself to be very goal-oriented as well as driven. It's my dream to travel the world someday, to inspire others, and I have no problem getting up early and working hard to make that happen (despite my not so ideal family environment). I'm not saying I don't care about others, I do, I give as much as I can give to those close to me, and I want to help people in the world get back on their feet. I just hate this notion that because I want a life that's fulfilling to me, that there's something wrong with me. Me not having a kid isn't the end of the world, and I'm sick of people acting like it is. I'm now going to go over some "points" people tell me in hopes of making me change my mind: 1. Don't you care about continuing your bloodline and your legacy? For starters, if who I am entirely changed when I woke up tomorrow and I decided that when I'm older I do want kids, I would not have them for that kind of shallow reason. Why should your kid, who has their own life, only be created to carry on what you made? They deserve to do what they want to do with THEIR life. My legacy can be remembered in the hearts of those who knew me. I don't need a kid to carry that on for me. 2. When you're really old you'll be alone. No I won't. I'll have other family, friends, and my community. I know how to actually bond with people on a deep level, instead of only seeing them for what I can gain from them (crazy right? Seeing humans as humans and not as status symbols. Woah!). Therefore, I'll have meaningful connections that aren't solely determined by blood. 3. No guy will want you, and if they do they're not masculine. First of all I truly believe I may of found the one already, however I am still really young so I'm not expecting it to last forever, but if it does I wouldn't be surprised. He's kind, thoughtful, artistic, empathetic, patient, funny, intelligent, and also focused on improving himself as we get older. He also knows how to cook which I find really charming. I purposely listed what would be considered a bunch of traditional "feminine" traits to prove a point. Feminine and masculine traits aren't subject to one singular gender. Too many women get upset with themselves because they hate feeling "weak", and too many men get upset with themselves because they hate having to "be strong all the time". With this boy I've met, yes he's also strong, but he knows he can have those weak moments with me. I'm the same way with him. When he's down, I'm there for him. When I'm down, he's there for me. When we're both down, we're there for each other. When we're both up, we continue to grow. If things don't end up working out with this guy, and for whatever reason I never fall in love again, I would much rather be single and fulfilled than in a lifestyle I don't want. (Also, if me simply being myself is "disempowering" or "imasculating" to a guy, then that's his problem. Not mine.) 4. We are meant to reproduce. Yes, reproduction will keep the human species alive, but are we in any grave danger of going extinct anytime soon? No. I hate what's expected of not only myself, but everyone, based solely on their gender. We are all unique individuals. I love typical girly things such as dresses, flowers, etc., but that doesn't define who I am. People saying to me that I'll "change my mind once I'm older", and all of these things doesn't change me, it only annoys me. I would rather die than not live my life aligned with myself. I really don't care what anyone has to say about biology, evolution, etc., whatever. This is who I am. It's who I've always been. If the world reversed and my rights were stripped away from me, then as I've said before, I would rather die than continue on with a life where I can't be who I am.

I wish I had a daddy.

Family & Caregivers / by Emberlin111

December 30th, 2023

...See more I'm a 16 year old girl, and I've never had a father figure in my life. I've had male teachers in school over the years, but I've never gotten close to them. I also have a grandfather, but because he and my grandma live far away, we've never had that strong of a connection. I appreciate my mom a lot. She does a lot to provide for our family, but every now and then it just hurts really badly inside, knowing I'm going to be an adult soon and I never got to have a superman. My mom does her best, but she really can't control her emotional outbursts. She's constantly screaming, crying, etc., and I'm always the one tending to her emotional needs. I constantly feel like I have to be the one to take care of the people around me. My mother very rarely hugs me, or tells me she loves me. She only tells me that she loves me when she's drunk. I just wish I had a daddy who I could run to and hug, who can protect me from the cruel world even if it's just for a few minutes. Who I can be silly with and laugh with, tease, joke around with, etc. Someone I can cuddle with, someone who makes sure the guys I'm wanting to date are good for me, someone who is able to buy me things that are meaningful (like a necklace with a photo of us two together inside the locket), etc. Anytime I see other girls with good father relationships I just feel so, so jealous. I want what they have so badly. They don't realize how lucky they are. Also, I know that just because someone has a father, it doesn't mean they are a good father. That's not what I'm talking about right now. I want a daddy, not just some man that portrays the same explosive behaviors as my mom, if not worse. I want someone I can lean on, and be a little girl with, but I will never get that and I have to accept that reality. If reincarnation is real, I just hope I get put into a life where I have a healthy father. It's like missing someone I've never met.

Feminine but confident, and I'm sick of people not comprehending that

Women's Issues / by Emberlin111

October 29th, 2023

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