Difficult mom
Before we proceed, I should state that my mom and I don’t have a great relationship with each other, as in her very presence pisses me off. So there’s a slim chance a heart to heart conversation will be a solution. But:
I’m African, and it has been ingrained in my head to always respect my parents etc etc. so you can imagine how hard it is to speak my mind most of the time.
Anyway, this is the current issue that brought me here:
tonight I was supposed to hang out with friends, but i usually drive my mom to work at night. So I asked her to take an uber this time, but she said she didn’t have money for one. So I offered to pay, and here came this insufferable act of hers.
She started going off, spazzing about how I’m making it a habit of always going out, and that I went out for New Year’s Eve so there isn’t any reason to go out again and that I don’t see her going out often.
So now I’m wondering if I should just go out anyways and call uber for her when she’s ready or just let it go and try to move out soon. I should also point out I’m 22 years old but unfortunately I think I’ve been conditioned so it’s hard for me to not listen to her.
@lazy404
Even though you are African and is taught to always respect your parents that's good. But as you know personal boundary is a new concept in the world not many people were taught about it. Here your mother was not taught about it by her parents so she doesn't know if this boundary exists. You can always choose to move out any time you want but do you think this problem will solve itself if you out plus it's not just about your mom this problem will present itself multiple times between friends/ love/ colleague. For now you could choose to make her understand in a respectful way that it's not okay to always tell me what to do . E.g if I were to give an example it would be with my mother , we have the same values in india too. So, my style is usually sarcastic like if same situation presents itself in front of me then my response is usually " should I print out a letter printed in A4, and take your signature to do a task a night before " . If she says yes to that then I only say 1 thing " keep dreaming " . I know it's hard , but like everyone , we learn if you let anyone walk over you, people will not respect your boundaries. Do what you want to do in the end no what anyone says.
@lazy404 call her a uber and go out, don't think twice just do it. You need a life too ❤ if you make your life souley around your parents, you will regret it in the end ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤
@lazy404
It sounds like a guilt trip brought up when you are in her mind inconveniencing her. Offering a solution and offering to pay for it was totally an adult solution if she cannot accept that it is about control and making you do as she wants. You are young but caving into it and moving when you can will not establish boundaries which are needed in a parent and adult child relationship.